I've sent a friend request. I wrote down characters and motivations and want to go for a dialog write. I am not sure how much is 20-30 minutes for a novel player - like one player will rush through while other will be pondering on it. For me the main metric is a number of scenes, number of dialogs, number of lines, etc. Fingers crossed I caught the main flow.
idk the good practice of sharing on this website, so I'll share it on discord.
mark 1: The scar of time and longing of freedom > They had enough. >> what was the triggering event that led to riot? who/what became the crystallization point?
mark 2: The Ramanuleho from Ramano, who lived in the cold, rigid terrains of the mountains separating the northern and southern parts of the continent.
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Each slave would aid taking over a ship and sail to the northern trade route.
>>it is hard to visualize. Lets imagine you have a one continent, pangea-like, with mountains horizontally across it. It is hard to imagine pirate actions in a mountain ranges. A reader needs a map.
mark 3: … and they sailed right into it.
>> I understand the epic, but did they run from the chase? If that is the case then its awesome. Otherwise you can just sit on ice and wait around 1 day near any ice/iceberg surface and your ship will naturally freeze into it. The real problem is to cut it out of ice later.
>> normally northern nomads die from starvation in new environments. If you need a bunch of people die per plot, you can describe the dying from starvation. Even if they can find locals, it is not like locals can provide a lot of spare food in a harsh environment.
mark 4: This same deal was the exact turning point of their alliance; they discovered Ramanuleho slaves in some kingdoms.
>>... I did not understood the original point from the first try, but I got it from 4th time. I like it! Allies got cozy and do not want to go to war.
mark 5: >> at the start it is not clear that we speaking of humans. Half a story I was holding in mind "what if it is version of dwarf fortress" :)
mark 6: >> the story reminds me a fork from story of "rebellion of Spartacus". Spartacus lost, but the guys here won. Also if Spartacus won, he would probably also become a slaver - that was due to low average industrial development of that day and age. At that time, If you want to be a big boss you have to have slaves or serves . Otherwise you would be too ineffective.
P.S. I like the story. Cheers!
P.P.S. I've just registered on the website and can miss some formatting rules. Sorry guys
