Wow. That’s interesting. I thought I was making up an island sounding name. It’s possible I heard it somewhere.
The creatures and landscape of the island are based on the barrier islands off the gulf coast of Florida. I chose a place I know well and tried to bring some specificity to it.
Loved the setup and mechanics around that for an OSR game! Fun stuff.
Would like to see more sentences about the NPCs and some of the encounters. I realize space was an issue bc mine was similar. (4 pages is a fun challenge but really right. ) Your writing is good. I also enjoyed the illustrations.
I love the blue maps. I wanted to work on making maps that were easier to read but has the same feel and simplicity (isometric and more call outs) and I’m excited to make my next one.
My thinking is they are trying to “purify” the non believers. Some don’t come back and some do with a boon. I didn’t fit that in there but can see that it’s critical. So I need to make space for it.
EDIT: St. Terregnis would not be pleased. Somehow I didn’t think about that. She is 100% lawful in the Shadowdark setting. The cult is being lead astray by the imposter so he can gain control and the ritual is to reinforce obedience.
For those not from the US I am referencing our witch trials . If you burned you were a witch
I realize none of my extra commentary here was in there or clear enough. I’m excited to improve it though.
I bit off more than I can chew, but that caused me to work to be efficient.
Next Jam I will have a better idea of an appropriate scope for 3 pages for sure.
It’s so hard to tell what you left out without running it and people reading it. I really appreciate your feedback taking the time.
I feel like I have a good sense of what to do after play testing and the helpful feedback here.
I got mixed up with your two comments (which I really appreciate BTW.) and did not see this feedback. I really appreciate it. I will definitely work on clarifying the motivations behind the cult and some of the NPCs.
On the hive mound might be easier to read if you put boxes around the Roman numerals. III. IV. And V are confusing on first glance. Your Use of red lines for the call outs is great.
Love the isometric map, but I did have trouble keeping track of entrances and exits on the actual map. More callouts would fix this I think.
Also some of the callouts are ambiguous as to what they are pointing at. The line under Orchid Mantis for example. Maybe put a light box around the call outs and make sure the line connects with the box.
Tree sketch was also not clear at first that there was a hole in the middle. Maybe add a dashed line down the middle? I like the sketch just think it’s a lost opportunity to explain the concept in a short module.
Really dig the beetle sketch and the cover. More beetle like sketches for all the creatures would be awesome. I just really like the sketch.
Basically a few tweaks will make it much quicker to absorb!
Thank you! I was really trying to make the maps easy to read on the fly for the DM. I can read maps and plans pretty well, but when I see a multi level non linear dungeon with flat maps it takes a minute to figure out which is not as pick up and play
(Trying to make the dungeon non-linear as well.)
I’m glad you mention references to Shadowdark rule book as a barrier. As you say it would be ideal to have as much info in the module as possible, but you also are pointing out that it makes it harder for other OSR players to use the adventure which I wasn’t even thinking about. The worst offender is the stats on the imposter priest’s actual class which are only found in an official zine.
Thank you! I really appreciate the feedback too. It helps a lot.
The weirdest bits about the Dandan are 95% straight from the 1,001 nights. As are the three NPCs with the same name. The Dandan dies if it hears a human voice or tastes human flesh in the story. I think this information either needs to be really easy to find out or I need to drop it. Maybe these do damage to the Dandan rather than insta-kill.
Also the protection from the liver fat was in there although I think it was about breathing underwater in general which is probably better in retrospect. My wording was not clear.
The idea of giving boons was from another myth about a large water creature that swallows people and spits them back out.
It got a bit unwieldy trying to tie everything together and make it coherent and make the deadline so feedback like yours really helps as I am excited to add a couple more pages to make it easier to understand/ run / include more information
I should have hooks, boons and possibly curses (I wrote a table that I had to cut), secrets and clues, random encounter tables for overland and catacombs, and a more defined take on the Dandan. I think Sly Flourish’s ideas about having a list of secrets and clues that can be revealed when appropriate (party is asking good questions) in addition to NPCs having specific information is a good approach.
Also in my play test I realized there was info that could be red herrings. So I’m going to re read Justin Alexander’s chapters about running mysteries.
I see the Dandan as an innocent creature that is being worshipped by the cult and the imposter priest is taking advantage of both the cultists and the creature. I was thinking The cult knows the risk/ reward of entering the Dandan’s mouth. Some people may scream in terror on the journey and be lost at sea, some return with a boon (I had to cut that NPC unfortunately), some die trying to get back to the village. If you return with a boon you are “pure” of course.
I borrowed a color scheme from an 80s pulp sci fi novel, which really helped me.
I've always liked doing photo collage and now I have an excuse to do more of it. I used Canva for the whole cover. Free version. Remove.bg to remove the backgrounds of the public domain images.
I used Affinity Designer and Adobe Fresco for the cartography. Fresco is free and amazing for those that have a tablet with a Pencil. I may do a quick demo on Bluesky.
