Cute and has a great deal of promise!
However, there are issues with the English localization. This isn't a line by line analysis, just the basics:
- There are a number of jokes that involve the possibility that children are being touched inappropriately by adults. In general, these won't go over well in the states, particularly in the preexisting English-primary-speaker Motherlike fanbase, which has a downright rabid fear of creators turning out to be child predators...
- "Determination" is used in a thematically significant way 3 times. 1 time is a cute nod to an inspiration; more than that risks overassociating your game with Undertale, where that word plays a crucial role in the game's text and motifs.
- General janky wording, especially in long dialogues towards the end of the demo.
Basically: you need a native English speaker to edit the English localization after translation to make things sound good, retain emotional tenor, and prevent culture-based marketing issues.