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Wow, I was not expecting a Twine game to have so much suspense and danger! The rapidly decreasing oxygen bar is frightening and it leads to an entirely different gameplay experience from the slow, text-heavy reading experiences I'm familiar with from Twine games. I will say that because the oxygen bar is depleting so quickly, players may be more inclined to skip over text as they impulsively click onto the next passage.  A solution to this might be spreading the game out more and making each passage have less text, so the reader feels inclined to read it all and make an effort with their choices. Alternatively, if you really really think it's important for the player to read all the text through before clicking, the oxygen bar should deplete at a lower rate.

I love the worldbuilding you've done for the game and the interior spaceship illustration is gorgeous! I would love to see even more of your art!

This was a really interesting game demo! I understand that this is more of a visual concept demo of an experience meant to be shared by two people. It was easy to move around the space, although I will say maybe the camera was bumping a little too much for the calmer tone you're setting. 

I really like the idea that this is a game that imitates an analogue game a couple might play in real life-- ie hiding items around, making quizzes, creating a surprise. It makes me wonder if this game is perhaps meant for long-distance couples who can't share a space in the moment. Giving couples a digital space where they can play a game that's about their relationship is very very wholesome! 

I think you have an incredible starting point if you want to take this idea further. It's worth considering what other "relationship" games that the couple can play with each other in this space. 

Woah, I love the pixel art of the dog! Very very cute. I laughed when the dog sprite suddenly rotated, though I don't know if that's your intention. As you develop the game, I wonder if you can introduce the video game "enemy" or threat faster so I feel more competitive / tense while playing. 

Your game is so adorably designed! The simplicity allowed me to enjoy the gameplay without being bogged down by any confusion. I agree with previous comments that some kind of border or wall to know my "limits" would help. 

I'm wondering if you were to develop the game, what different levels might look like or if you could create a narrative to the story! I also think that the game's visuals are charming, and you could work on the game's UI to be just as "handcrafted" and appealing. 

This game is BEAUTIFULLY designed. Like, it's just incredible. So professional in my opinion! The art sprites, to the city, to the way the light glows off of the character, is all incredibly incredibly charming. I love the idea that you play as a mailman / deliveryman in this specific world. The specific way the camera pans / rotates as the character moves off screen is not something I've seen very often and I love it-- it really sets you in this "kowloon walled city" inspired setting. 

My main issue so far is that on the second level, I genuinely couldn't make it past the first few platforms without falling.... maybe I just really really suck at platformers?? 

WOW!! As someone who hates hates hates horror games, you really nailed the exact fear that I run away from. The entire interface (messages, downloads, etc) was so clever and well done, especially given that we were using Twine. 

I felt very proud of myself for figuring out the code, even if that meant listening to terrifying audios. On that note, I want to congratulate you on your usage of audio / sound art to create a really terrifying backdrop to your piece. 

The writing of your game was very well done, especially the religious moments, and I think with more time given you could've done a masterful job of building suspense between the casual conversations in your messages to the super creepy religious prose. 

Overall, this game feels like a fantastic prototype to something that could be a 20+ minute horrifying experience. I'd love to build more of a relationship with Jimbo(?), or at least have more "lore" or a stronger understanding of who I'm supposed to be and why I've received these strange files. I think providing more context for the player and the world they're in will draw them even further into the game.

Hey! I absolutely loved seeing your idea come to life in this game! First of all, I appreciate how wonderful the writing is. I believe that's the strongest component to your work. I also really like the game's more minimalistic aesthetic, all the illustrations are really well-done without taking away from the main component of the game. I agree that music / sound effects will strengthen the kind of mood you're looking for. I think if you were to expand upon the game in terms of writing, I would love to further understand the traditions and meanings behind Basant-- it seems like a really joyous festival! And, perhaps the "characters" of the game (the kite or the kid) wind up making their way to buildings or places that are memorable to you in Karachi. For example, maybe at some point the kite gets stuck onto a window pane of a restaurant you loved visiting as a kid and that would be a great moment to talk about traditional / popular food of the area!

Overall, very great work!!!!!

OMG!!! What an incredible game you've made in such a short amount of time!!! First of all-- huge kudos to the way you set the mood and aesthetic of your game so so quickly. Everything from the music to the charming illustrations to the general writing was very well though out in my opinion. I'm in awe of all the fun "puzzle" components of the game, from using the inventory to having to figure out the code. It seems like you made a really good use of everything Twine has to offer! Not only that, but I could tell you had a strong drive with the story of your game and its quirky characters that play on common film tropes. Really fun!
My one suggestion is that I felt like the text rectangle and scrolling function was a little less user-friendly than it could be. The rectangle was a little too slim maybe, or I'm also not used to visual novel games having a scroll function for the text. My recommendation is to play with the layout a bit more to see if there's something that feels more right.

Overall, fantastic job!!!!!!!!!!!