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Warning: I wrote this when I was half asleep, so there might be typos. XD

Life has a grudge against us, I suppose.

When my grandma would watch the news, it would always be about a shooting at a school, or on the streets, or someone getting hurt in general. Even my young nephews watch videos about song artists getting killed, or getting hurt in prison. So, I know how discouraging it can be.

That's not pathetic. I constantly wonder why I'm even alive. I mean, there honestly doesn't seem to be a reason. I'm just...existing, and it is really depressing.

Even when my mom was alive, there were times when I got depressed. And my mom spoiled me, and loved me unconditionally, so I also felt like I should be happy. It was always either my cousins or my bad grades at school bringing me down, and I hated it.

I'm playing a Unity game right now that doesn't have saves. It has four separate game days, and it is really long. Plus, when it crashes on Winlator, I have to play it from the beginning again. It is in a beta state as well, so the crashes happen because of game bugs, not Winlator. The game is called Your Boyfriend, and the creator has said that it doesn't have saves because her version of Unity didn't have saves already. But she uses monobleeding edge too, so that doesn't make sense.

I guess they just like being able to vote, and being able to choose who runs the country.

Trust me, we're mad as hatters over here. XD Society has made everyone self-conscious about their image, the food here is too rich and fattening, and like I said before, the suicide rate is very high.

I always thought the UK was one of those places I could go to meet people who were actually nice and friendly where I didn't have to worry about peer pressure, or society judging me. I am so sorry that is how it actually is. The UK deserves better.

Well, I'm glad that you at least have that. I just hope that you don't feel too bad because of the lack of proper medicine.

I get that. My cousin, my other cousin, my nephews, and my cousins' boyfriend's clothes take priority over mine. It's not fun waiting to wash your clothes, or sheets.

That does not sound like a safe working environment. I am really glad that you don't work there anymore.

There does seem to be plenty of fun involved, but, I could only continue for my friend if sexual harrassment is involved.

If they treat their workers better, they wouldn't have that problem. I wish that they could see that.

I get what you mean by it being good to face your fears, like overcoming stage fright, so that you can be an actress, but I am terrified of heights, so I can't stand riding rollercoasters, and my cousins know that I hate heights. I think they are just sadistic.

Everyone's bodies are different, so I understand that. My cousins and nephews are always hot when I'm cold, so it sucks, because they always open the windows when it is cold outside, leaving me freezing.

Higher ups, do tend to be a bit snobby, and rude. At least, that's what I've heard. I really do hope that he got fired, and someone nicer took his place.

When I watch an english dub of One Piece, I am shocked by how bad some of the english voice acting is, and I love that anime, so I understand. Some characters voices make me cringe, and I wonder how the team that made the anime thought they were a good choice to voice that character.

That's perfectly fine. People have different pet peeves that turn them off. For me, it's jump scares in games. I will have a mini heart attack playing Five Nights At Freddy's, and I don't find it fun to have a character suddenly jump out at you.

Still, I am glad that you include it in your games, because I really love it. And you pick the best voice actors too! It's heaven. Yandere Heaven~

Because you want to be seen as a person, not something to be owned.

Well, that is better than a yandere that physically hurts the mc to punish them, and then says that it is their fault for making them like that, or that they made them jealous. Which is strange, because in the game that I'm playing called Your Boyfriend, Peter, the love interest can do all of that, but it depends on the choices that you make. He can be the sweetest yandere you've ever known if you make the right dialogue choices, which is what I'm doing now.

That might be why you created him. Maybe he is  a guilty pleasure of yours?

Neither one of us will be able to go then, because I also don't have a passport. It would be nice, though.

I ate like two big bags of them, and I had two cups of coffee, which I think kept the hunger away because of all the caffeine.

But, it is true that when you diet, you should at least eat food that tastes good, but doesn't have too many calories. I love tuna fish sandwiches, even if mayonaise is fattening, because tuna is fish, and fish is healthy, right? So I feel like that balances it out.

Here we have fried or frozen food every day, but, personally, I try to watch my intake of it. Like, if I know we are having fried chicken for dinner, I will try to stave off my hunger with multiple cups of coffee, and a few walnuts, until then, or if we have chicken nuggets, or pizza rolls, I won't get too many of them. We also always have noodles, but I can't tell if they are healthy or not, because even though they seem healthy, the seasoning in the packet might have a lot of sodium, which isn't good for you. But, we hardly ever have sweets...okay, my nephews do, but my cousin will usually say that's their after school snack, so don't touch it, so I usually don't have to worry about sugar content, except in coffee, and then, I go wild. XD But, I do sometimes have oatmeal, which is reaaally good, by the way, and very healthy.

I don't hate celery, but I at least want to eat it with peanut butter. That is honestly delicious! Eating it by itself, would be miserable.

Since we no longer have multigrain bars, I have either cereal, bacon and eggs, or oatmeal for breakfast. Now, while I do like cereal, I know that it isn't very healthy, so I do prefer oatmeal, because it is healthy AND it tastes good. I only have bacon and eggs when someone makes it for a family meal, because I don't like it as much  It is greasy, and fattening, and I like oatmeal a lot better.

 Yeah, a shake really is just a drink anyway, so that is understandable. I imagine drinking it while eating a protein bar might make it easier to have for breakfast.

My favorite soup is chicken noodle soup. A bit basic, but it's healthy and tasty~ But, yeah, lunch isn't really my favorite meal, anyway.

Dinner for me is either chicken nuggets, pizza rolls, fried chicken, with some veggies and rice, or noodlea, so, yes, kind of heavy. I haven't had tuna fish since we last got some months ago, and I miss it. That was healthy and tasty, but, oh well.

I haven't had chocolate in a while, but I have coffee every day, and I can't function without it. XD

My nephews aren't even that bad. At least they keep it on the toilet seat. But, yeah, cleaning up pee isn't fun, and neither is washing the mop out...or being told that I didn't clean it good enough, or that the mop still smells. It isn't my dog in the first place, so I shouldn't be cleaning up after it, but, then you add insult to injury by saying that I didn't do it right? Come on, that is not fair! >.<

My cousin only likes to watch the dog when her boyfriend is around, because the dog is scared of him, so I watch it a lot. When the kids get home, they play games when they should be watching it, and I end up looking after it again. At least they clean up its' poop, so that's something. But, yeah, it is stressful. It is a really big dog, so the kids can't walk it, because they don't have enough strength to keep it under control. And my cousin refuses to walk it as well. They say it is too expensive to pay for a dog trainer, and no one wants to train it. My cousins boyfriend yells orders at it, bit no one else can get it to listen to them. It is really depressing.

My cousin loves putting cinnamon in her coffee, but, I'm too scared to try it. I might put some in my tea when we get some more though, if it really is that good.

My mom used to put sugar on lemon slices, and eat them just like that, and it almost made me dislike lemons. But, I love lemonaid too much to stop drinking it. I also love lemon flavored candy. But not everyone has the same tastebuds or loves the same thing. I don't really like dark chocolate. I know that it is healthier than milk chocolate, and is good for your heart, but it is just SO bitter. I can eat it, but I would need to wash the taste out of my mouth with something.

Does turmeric tea taste good? I've never heard of it before.

I think that I was immune to the effects of coffee for a short while, but I guess that when you get tired enough, the caffeine can have some effect on your body...either that or it's because we have a different brand of coffee now. Either way, I am so addicted to coffee that I drink it even when there is no cream or sugar. I know that I have a problem, but I don't care. :D

I can get a full eight hours of sleep, and still feel tired, so I think I understand. It's even worse if you are woken up, only to be told to clean up, or to wash the mop out. After that, I don't feel like doing anything for the rest of the day.

Warm weather can make you tired. It might be the reason why some kids and teenagers say that they will do a lot of things for summer break, and then end up doing nothing. So, don't feel bad about that. And, you don't have to force yourself to do anything. If you still feel the same way this summer, it is completely okay! ^-^

Ooh, you garden? That is so cool! I would be terrible at that, mostly because I would forget to water them every day. That's why playing games and reading is my hobby. XD

I have the opposite problem. It feels like I'm not doing much of anything, like I'm not doing enough, and I hate it. So being behind on stuff means that you have things that you need to do, something to work on, and that makes it sound like you have a goal to achieve. That's a good thing, because no one can say that you are being lazy, or that you aren't doing anything. So you are doing great.

At least you can go out. I've been a shut in for so long, that if I tried to go out and interact with people, even just to go grocery shopping, I feel like I would screw it all up. I would need to relearn how to socialize, and even then, I would be like a terrified rabbit, in a world full of hungry wolves. I couldn't do it.

I thought about leaving, going to a shelter, or something. But, the thought of being around a bunch of strangers is scary, too. I'm also afraid of the unknown, and at least I know what to expect living with my relatives, but I don't know what will happen someplace else, or how other people will react to me, or how to deal with them. You are lucky to have gotten out of your own situation, and I really am happy for you.

For as long as I've been living with them, I thought that I had to do everything that they said, because I was living under their roof. But, it didn't mean that I always took the abuse that they gave me. Fighting and arguing with them only makes things worse, and they tell me that if I act out, I can give them back anything that they gave to me, and find a job, and leave. They know that I'm scared to go outside, so they use that to scare me into doing what they want. Or they say that I might as well do something since I'm not working...I hate it so much. You are the only one who understands me, and you are so far away. But, I am grateful to have you. I really am.

When you find something that you are comfortable with, it is hard to change to something else. Besides, Godot doesn't show graphics well on Winlator. Characters have missing hair, and clothes, and look like dress up dolls, the text doesn't show, and the background is a bunch of blurry colors that look like someone mixed paint together on a canvas. So I wouldn't be able to play your games anymore.

Aww, that is really sweet~ But, I found a visual novel maker called RenJs that I think is entirely web-based. I have already made a short game to thank someone who helped me when I was having trouble playing a game, and I want to make one for you too. All you have to do with RenJs is format your words correctly, and you have a game! You type the words into the text file for the script, change the name of the character in a different file, and it even comes with sprites that are free to use! 

It is almost like a sign telling me to make you a game. XD Joking, but I really do want to. One thing though - I really like the sprites that you used for your game "Solipsism Reigns". If those sprites are free to use, can you please tell me where to get them, because I forgot, and please tell me who to give credit to for the images. Thank you!

That reminds me of a youtuber who ordered food that people made and sold on a website. She did a google search for how long it would take for food poisoning to set in. XD Luckily, she was fine after eating all of that food. Your brother seems sweet to warn you about them though. It sounds like he really cares about you.

At that point, I would get my relatives to call the police on them and explain the situation. Maybe then they would listen, and write down what they need to tell you.

And don't worry about me judging you about not picking up the phone. I can't even leave this apartment, so I understand not being able to do something that most people would think is normal.

Now that I can make proper games, I think that I will be able to distract myself from my problems at least a little. I hope that things get better for you, too.

Since it's apparently been almost 50 days since you sent this according to itch, I just wanted to let you know that I did read it a while back >.< It's just I'm so buried with the game jam stuff for otome/josei jam atm that I haven't had a chance to actually type out a reply :( I didn't want you to think I had forgotten though! Especially since itch has now wiped off the notification of your message from my dashboard because it was so long ago T_T I'm just gonna bookmark the page so I can find it easier when I do eventually have a chance to respond!

I hope that you're okay though + that something sweet has happened recently that made you smile :3

It's okay, I know how life can be sometimes. 

I am trying to make a short game to experiment more with RenJs, but the indentation is hard, because I have to write everything in a certain format. Oh, well, it might be easier than Renpy, but I wish that I could use Tyranobuilder, because it sounds so easy to use.

I am busy trying to dissociate from my relatives and life, which is why I am making a game to begin with. All I have as sprites are ai from a free ai generator site, and they're kind of bad, but, hey, they are free at least.

I hope your life gets better or is already starting to get better. I miss you, by the way. Stay safe, and happy~ \(^O^)/ (^_^)