Post by vocaloidsrcool in Sapphire Snowe: The Bear, The Beast & The Blizzard comments

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Um, I don't want to bother you anymore, but when I played the game, it crashed when Sapphie woke up in the jail cell. I experimented with the game files a bit, and when I took the resources.resource file out the game played until the end, but had no bgm, sound effects, or voice acting. I think you may need to take out all audio except for male Snowe's voice, including the bgm, and Sapphie's and the narrator's voice lines.

It's okay if you have other things to do right now; just take your time, and do what you need to do. Oh, and I wrote a poem for you on quotev. I'll give you the link to it now:

https://www.quotev.com/story/16336895/Alive-Again/1

Melancholy Marionette97 days ago

It’s not a bother at all :3 Actually, I managed to take more stuff out, export, and upload another version early last week, but then a lot of shit happened, and I ended up not having time to actually reply to let you know I’d uploaded another build >.<

I didn’t take eeeeverything out, but I removed all of Saffie + Narrator’s voice lines, so all that’s left are masc Snowe voice lines, BGM, and SFX. There aren’t that many BGM or SFX files, so I would like to hope that they would be able to stay in, but still, you never know I guess.

I put it in the same Google Drive folder, but in case you need the link again, it’s here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1vttkDa6EXxjuYW4bhewN-il4YjGMxEdc?usp=dri...

I still haven’t managed to check out the game you made yet, but I did read the poem you wrote while I was exporting the new build last week :3 It’s so sweet! Thank you so much for that <3

I’m a sucker for poems, haha. Well, I just love rhyming words in general! I know not all poems rhyme, but I like rhyming ones the most, haha. I don’t know if I’m quite as sweet as a candy cane, but it’s a nice thought :3 The whole thing was just really thoughtful and sweet!

It’s kind of funny really that you have a better idea of who I am than most of my family does >.< I know I can’t speak for them, but I imagine they probably think of me as things like: shy, quiet, withdrawn, boring, and weird x3 They never get to see the real me because I never feel safe enough to actually be myself around them. The only place I feel free to 100% be myself is in the comfort of my home with my dad and brother + when writing things online!

Anyways, I won’t go into detail, but I got a letter last week that basically made me go into meltdown. It’s to do with the government and my support money, and to cut a long story short, they are basically discriminating against me on account of my autism according to the people running the support group I’m in atm >.< And I’m now gonna be stuck in a battle for probably 2+ years trying to fight my case. I can’t do it alone because they refuse to make reasonable adjustments and won’t even read the things I write even though I’ve tried my best to explain that it’s the only way I can effectively communicate. So now I’m having to use an advocacy service to try and help me and speak on my behalf to even stand a chance at sorting things out.

It’s honestly exhausting and so insulting and degrading. I don’t know if they’re aware of how psychologically damaging their actions are, or if they know exactly how harmful their actions are and they do it on purpose :( Whatever the case, I’m not doing so well as a result of it.

I want you to know though that I have read your other message, and I will reply when I get a chance. It’s just everything is very stressful and overwhelming at the moment, so I’m not sure when I’ll be able to.

I hope that you at least got to have a good weekend though and that you have a happy week ahead :3

vocaloidsrcool97 days ago(+1)

It's okay, I know that stuff happens, and you have your own life to live. I am just happy that you did that for me.

This time, if it doesn't work, I'll just wait for the next update of Winlator to see if that one works better. There is already a beta 5.1 version, but, since it is still being tested, I haven't tried it yet. Thank you so much for all of your hard work and effort! ^_^

I Iove rhyming! That's why I enjoy writing poems. I'm so happy to meet someone who loves poems as much as I do. You're welcome! To try so hard to help someone like me, you are very sweet indeed.

I think that I can relate to that feeling; I have become so distant from all of my relatives that I don't think any of them know me. They probably see me as withdrawn and standoffish. I've gotten used to our lack of interaction though; I think sometimes it is better to be alone, so no one can hurt you...but some things are unavoidable, and I am grateful that they took me in, but we simply don't get along.

That is a truly evil thing to do to someone. One of my cousins has anxiety disorder, and is partially blind, so she struggles with these things as well. Some people didn't want to give her disability benefits, like a disability check because she's working, so they say that she doesn't need it. Things got better for her, and I hope that they do for you as well. And trying to push you out of your comfort zone is disgusting; just as you can only communicate through writing, I could only ever work at home, because of my extreme fear of being outside. If someone forced me to work in a company, or anywhere outside my home, I would lose my mind. Please hang in there a bit longer, okay?

Goodness! They sound like either the most corrupt humans alive or my middle school bullies. They likely know how their words and actions affect you, and they just don't care. It is beyond unfair, but, sadly, I have learned that is how many people are.

Listen, I am 32 years old, and I have never had a real job before, while you have. You have your dad, while the only relative that ever loved me is dead. If I haven't given up, you shouldn't either. Don't let those assholes make you feel depressed, or take away your happiness. You made me feel a small joy that I haven't felt in years, so I really want you to be happy. Please stay strong.

Take your time. I know how it feels to be so mentally drained that you don't want to do anything.

Same. I really hope that things get better for you.

Melancholy Marionette86 days ago

I’m more than happy to take more stuff out and export more versions if that last one doesn’t work, so you’re welcome to poke me about it :3 It’s honestly not a bother at all! It does suck though that it’s struggled so much with this one >.<

Hehe, yeah, there’s just something really nice about rhyming words :D I used to write a lot of poetry when I was younger cos it helped me vent feelings and stuff x3

Yeah, I mean, there’s a lot of stuff in life I wish I could get out there and do, but the world outside home is often so hostile that it’s easier to stay inside most of the time where it’s actually safe >.< Plus I feel like the second I step outside the door, I put on a mask and start acting, so my energy begins immediately draining :( Whereas at home, it’s pretty much the only place where I feel like I can be myself.

It makes me sad that you don’t even have that level of comfort at home though :( cos living with people that you don’t get along with is really tough. I’ve been stuck in situations like that in the past and I can only describe it as hell >.<

I don’t know why people in charge across the world make it so hard for people with all kinds of different disabilities to exist :( Most people aren’t asking for handouts so they can laze around. They just want to access some support so they can live as independently as possible, but the government just doesn’t seem to see that >.< They just seem to think all disabled people are a burden that needs eliminating or something o.O

Yeeeeah, there have been accusations of the DWP here purposefully harming disabled people for many years, sadly :( There have even been a significant number of suicides in relation to people dealing with them, but they always try to cover things up and keep it buried so that the general public doesn’t find out about that sort of thing. There are always small groups fighting them, but they don’t tend to get anywhere with change cos the DWP is part of the government, so it’s like it’s impossible to fight them.

That’s a funny coincidence cos I just had my 32nd birthday this month, haha.

To be fair on the job front, I only got the couple of jobs I’ve ever had because the employers were desperate x3 The one I had in retail was just a part-time Christmas one that only lasted 1 month cos they needed to boost their staff numbers to handle the Christmas madness. And when I was a scare actor for a month, they would’ve hired pretty much anyone who turned up cos they never have enough people.

But I am extremely lucky to have my dad and tbh, I live in constant fear of losing him >.< pretty much because he’s my main reason for living. Losing my gran was bad enough. I don’t think I will be able to survive without my dad. Or more accurately I guess, life just wouldn’t be worth living without him.

Two of my closest friends have also lost parents that they were really close to themselves, and like you, I honestly have no idea how any of you have found the strength to keep going. To me, you all seem like super strong people.

I’m trying my best to block out most of reality by focusing singlemindedly on game jam stuff x3 Trying to get volume 02 of Yandere Heaven finished in time for the end of Yandere Jam. Thankfully, the person from an advocacy charity that was assigned to help me has been extremely helpful and just generally lovely to communicate with. Unlike the evil government departments, she actually understands me and has treated me with dignity and respect. Without her help and expertise on this benefit-related stuff, I would’ve probably just become completely hopeless cos it was all way too much to deal with by myself >.< She helped to write the necessary letter to send to the gov and even posted it off for me.

Now it’s just a matter of another loooong wait cos the gov isn’t obliged to actually respond within a specific time >.< I know some people have battled for 2-3 years to get it all sorted. The person who has been helping me with it said that I should just try my best to forget about it for now, so yeah, working on the jam is my way of doing that x3 It just means everything else in my life gets neglected in the process, which isn’t great >.< but it’s pretty much the only way I can function.

Thank you for your support and kind words :3 I don’t know what sort of music you like, but a song I listen to a lot when I’m feeling down about being different and not fitting in and stuff is this, and it helps just a teeny tiny bit x3

I really hope that things get better for you as well! You deserve to live a happy life :3 Maybe someday we will both be lucky enough to be truly happy x3

vocaloidsrcool85 days ago(+1)

You are an angel, and a miracle worker! It works! The game works, and I can hear his voice! I wish I could thank Snowe's voice actor, because he really did an incredible job. I am going to replay that game so many times because of him, and your wonderful writing skills. (:

I mostly write to vent feelings and escape reality. When I was younger, and I read my stories to myself, I felt like I had escaped to a world all my own, and it was even better than any other story, because I know what to write to make myself feel happy and free.

I simply dissociate myself from them, which leads to me spending time alone, reading and playing games to escape. It's unhealthy, and sometimes I question my mental health, but it keeps me from doing what Sapphie almost did. I'm still here because I know how to use fiction to heal myself.

This is why many people think that the government is evil. People are already struggling because of their condition, and they just make things worse for them. I really hope things get better one day. It's depressing to live under the thumb of such corrupt humans.

Why are those monsters given such positions of power? And of course, ordinary citizens can do nothing against them. It's like a killer having connections to a cop, so calling the police on them is useless. It's disgusting.

Oooh, are we the same age? That is so cool! And, Happy Belated Birthday! I hope that you had a very fun time on your Birthday~

At least you can say that you have prior work experience in job interviews, that's really helpful.

I was asking myself what I'm living for, and...heh, I guess to check on game updates on twitter and tumblr. To be honest, games are the only reason I'm still alive, and that is why I die a little inside whenever someone deletes their game, especially when it's still incomplete. Uh, I don't know what I would do without good otome games, Winlator, and Joiplay. Mobile games are frustrating because you can only play a little every day, with constant prompts to buy more energy or tickets to continue playing, and have to get items to progress. So I can only play windows games with emulators like Joiplay, and Winlator. Some might say that it is a childish reason to live, but I seriously dont know what I would do if I couldn't cling to a fictional world with cute boys.

After hearing what you are going through, I think you are the strong one. Being harassed so much can't be easy to deal with.

It's good to have an escape, and I hope the game progress goes well. Even though I don't really like mean yanderes I'll try to play the second volume of Yandere Heaven. (: The advocate sounds really kind. And I am really glad that you had someone help you try to communicate your feelings to the government. It isn't right that the Government can take as much time as they want to reply to you. Ignoring you won't make things any better.

I tend to ignore the world around me when I use a coping mechanism like reading, writing, or gaming to forget something, so I understand.

I really love this song! The rhythm is so upbeat, and the lyrics are so deep. It is like the speaker is singing directly to me. I have it on repeat right now, in fact. A song that really relates to me, and mirrors how I feel is this: youtube.com/watch?v=AiY8j1jD9vs

(If the link doesn't work it's called 'Hello, How Are You' by Lizz Robinett. She does a great cover of the song.)

If the day does come where I am happy, it will be because of you. Thank you for being an amazing friend!

Melancholy Marionette72 days ago

Yay! So glad it finally works for you :D Maybe Snowe’s VA will see this and know your feelings :3

Yeah, I feel that! If I wasn’t escaping into video game stories, I was escaping into the stuff I tried to write, haha. When I think about it, I probably spend much more time in fictional worlds than the real one >.<

Well, using fiction to heal yourself is a much better coping mechanism than some other things :3 I don’t know what I’d do without it because before I was much more self-destructive >.< so even if I do get obsessed and I know it’s not entirely healthy to focus on fictional worlds as much as I do, it’s still better than what I used to do years ago.

It is indeed depressing to live under the thumb of people like that :( The world would be a much happier place if governments actually did what they’re supposed to do and worked for the best interests of its people instead of for themselves >.<

I didn’t do much on the actual day of my birthday, but I did get to go and see a theatre show the weekend after it that I had been wanting to see for a while, so it was good :3

Most job interviews I’ve had have been awful x3 Like I can tell I’m doing terribly and they can’t wait to get rid of me, haha. The one at the retail store only went well because of a part where the lady asked me to try and sell her one of the products in the shop. I don’t usually shop there. In fact, I think it’s a pretty crappy store xD But they just happened to have a product in at the time that I genuinely wanted for Christmas, haha. It was one of those cuddly toys that has a microwavable lavender bag inside so you can use it for warmth, and it was a pastel purple alpaca ^-^ It was my enthusiasm for that combined with their desperation for Christmas temporary staff that got me the job, haha.

The scare acting job wasn’t even really an interview, it was more like a workshop x3 It was a lot of fun, haha. They basically just taught us the basics of scaring in a couple of hours and then hired everyone there xD

I think it’s okay to not really know exactly what to live for. I mean, I don’t really know what I’m living for myself x3 I’ve pretty much spent my whole life living for other people and I guess that’s still how it is now. I haven’t found my reason for living yet, but I’m hoping I do someday!

Yeah, I used to play mobile games waaaay back, but as soon as I got a PC, I stopped pretty much cos I can’t stand like ticket systems and stuff >.< I just wanna be able to buy a complete game and play it start to finish whenever I like, haha.

I don’t think it’s a childish reason to live at all though :3 Reality is pretty harsh >.< If you can find some joy in experiencing other worlds, there’s nothing wrong with that at all :D

Yeeeeah, the yanderes in Yandere Heaven are not so nice x3 tbh, I feel like they don’t even genuinely care about mc at all >.< They’re more just super selfish, haha. It’s still kinda fun to bring them to life though for nostalgia’s sake! I much prefer the scenario of volume 02 compared to volume 01 as well since I’m not really into school settings. Back when these were the only kinds of yandere characters I knew, I thought they were awesome xD but they're not so much my cup of tea nowadays since they seem to lack genuine love, haha. I think volume 02 might've been one of my preferred CDs of the series though, and I would say I'm probably on team Takaaki rather than on Sakae's side, haha.

I was thinking about you actually while making this next volume! I was worried that if I made all 6 volumes in 1 game eventually that it probably wouldn’t work on Winlator because it would be a loooooot of files >.< I thought maybe it would be better to split it into 2 games so it’s like volumes 01-03 in 1 game and then volumes 04-06 in another game. I dunno if that would help though >.<

Actually, I was up until 5am yesterday pushing myself to do more testing since I need to release tonight to make the jam deadline and all the problems with my PIP battle really took a big chunk out of my schedule for working on the project. I'm kind of worried that the update won't work for you because I tested it on the family potato laptop, and while launch was around 60 seconds, the rest of the in-game loading screens took around 3 minutes o.O I was sat there wondering if it had crashed but it hadn't, it was just suuuuuuper slow >.< Everything did load and work eventually, but I fear that it might not on Winlator if the potato struggled so much to load stuff :(

That song is so good! :3 I see in the description it says it's a Vocaloid cover :o I haven't listened to any of those in a while but I always admire when people make that sorta thing x3 I almost cried the first time I heard someone's cover of Palette (and, of course, I had to go find it and listen to it again xD It's this one - the high notes give me shivers, haha.)

Vukovi have another song which is quite upbeat about mental health stuff (this one) but I don’t listen to it as much as Aura cos it feels a bit depressing too >.< Whereas Aura just feels really uplifting :3

Aww x3 I’m sure you will find other reasons and things that make you happy too!! :3 And thank YOU for also being such a sweet friend!

vocaloidsrcool72 days ago(+1)

I hope so. He needs to know how happy he made me!

Well, reality sucks. Fiction is better, anyway.

I think that I got lucky. If I wasn't so good at escapism, I probably wouldn't be here right now.

I think that a good president would help the lives of ordinary people so much. Maybe one day, we will have a kind president run the country.

That sounds fun! I hope that you had a good time. \(^O^)/

I've never had a toy like that before, but it sounds useful. I get cold so easily, so I need something like that. I know what llamas look like, but I have never seen an alpaca before. I should look it up sometime. I'm so happy that everything worked out well for you. At least you got job experience, and a possible discount on that toy. Fun fact - I could never work at a donut or icecream shop; I would use all of my money on sweets, and that would not be good for me. ^-^;

That does sound like fun. You seem way too nice to scare anyone, though.

That is such a kind reason to live! But, living for yourself is nice too. I hope you don't stretch yourself too thin trying to help others. Take care of yourself first, sweetie.

And people who make mobile games don't care if most people pay for items, because they get sooo much money from just a small portion of people. Thank goodness for emulators because greedy people like them don't deserve my money or time. Because even if you don't pay with money, you will pay with your time. And time is too important to waste.

I knew you were kind. <3 Yeah, but I sometimes wonder if it would be better if I really could go to another planet that was inhabitable. Maybe one day it will be possible.

Yeah, a yandere can keep me locked in his house in a game, and kill my best friend, but if I could tell that they really loved me, I would still give them a chance. I'm more used to school settings in games honestly, and these two new yanderes in Yandere Heaven look scary and intimidating. But, yeah, Takaaki doesn't seem as bad. Without spoiling too much, how nice is Takaaki?

You are so sweet! You didn't have to worry so much about me~ While I am very grateful, if the loading times are that bad, I think that this particular series is a hard pass for me. I know that you will make other great yandere games in the future, and I will wait patiently, yet eagerly for those. (:

How are those high notes possible? This singers voice is so beautiful! But, I wonder if this is a love song about remembering someone close to you.

I actually would also like you to listen to this cover of Deep Sea Girl: youtube.com/watch?v=j0pWTJ20szY&pp=ygUUcmFjaGllIGRlZXAgc2VhIGdpcmw%3D

I think this song reminds me of how I feel about you. You really do make me want to live again.

Even though the ending of the video is really sad, I think that I like the lyrics more than Aura, because the words in I Exist describe how I feel sometimes. Like 'I see the morning light and wonder why I'm still here.' and 'If I exist another day would anybody even effin care.' But hearing 'better days will come to light', by someone who seems to understand me, feels kind of nice.

Well, chocolate also makes me happy! :D I hope to keep being a good friend to you for a long time.

Melancholy Marionette66 days ago

You could always send him a quick tweet or something if you wanted to say anything directly :3

Fiction is better than reality, but I kinda wish it wasn’t that way >.<

Same! Even before playing video games to escape, I used to read a lot of books and try to write little stories x3 I even played the choose your own adventure ones where you roll a dice and stuff and different choices send you to different pages, so it was inevitable that I would end up discovering and falling in love with VNs!

Yeah, I do wonder how many countries in the world actually have good leaders and governments who genuinely try to do what’s best for their people. I find it extremely frustrating that the political party that is currently in power over here which I absolutely despise, has had an MP from that party elected in the town where I live ever since before I was even born :( Whenever elections happen, it always just feels like my vote doesn’t count for anything cos our voting system is ancient and stupid >.>

It would make so much difference to the overall happiness of a population if leaders truly cared about their people. It’s kind of funny cos they said in the news the other day that the UK where I live was voted the 2nd most miserable country in the world xD That’s baaaad considering we’re not in wartime or anything like other countries are >.<

Yeah, I get cold easily too x3 I think it’s cos of my broken thyroid >.< I usually wear jumpers even in the summer, haha. Right now as I type this, I’ve got fleece pyjamas on + a jumper + a snoodie x3

Alpacas are pretty much superior to llamas :D IMO anyways! I just think they soooo much cuter :3 My dad actually wound up buying me the alpaca heated thing for Christmas in the end, haha. We never got staff discounts or anything like that, sadly x3 Tbh they didn't treat you very well in general most of the time, and yet, on the last day before Christmas, they gave everyone chocolates and drink. It was such a huge shock! Cos they called everyone into the manager's office individually, and I was convinced I was gonna get told off for some reason, so when they gave me chocolates instead I almost cried x3

Hehe, scaring people is a loooot of fun :D Scare acting is easily the best job I've ever had even though there were still some pretty huge downsides to it >.< The actual scaring part itself though was great cos playing a character is a refreshing break from being yourself x3

I got to be a creepy nun most nights and a cult leader controlling a giant resurrected horse on one night where I had to fill in for someone else who didn't turn up xD I preferred being the nun cos I actually had lines and got to properly jump out at people (even made one poor woman fall over in fear and crawl outta the room on her hands and knees x3)

Whereas the cult leader was a lot different cos it meant holding a pole with a real horse skull on the top attached to a harness while standing in a room full of dry ice all night cos it was the finale piece for that particular attraction >.< The skull was so heavy though that you had to hold it with 2 hands at all times, which meant I had to have someone else behind the scenes specifically to feed me water when I needed it in between guests coming through, haha.

I'm still not so great at taking care of myself first >.< but I'm trying to be better at it!

I'm pretty forgiving too so a yandere could probably push me quite far and I'd keep forgiving them, but certain things would still make me snap x3 I think I'm less inclined to weather abuse nowadays too cos I've been in too many abusive situations in the past where I kinda kept forgiving people and making excuses for them even though they didn't deserve it >.< So yeah, I just generally take a bit less shit from people nowadays to avoid getting abused as much!

I would actually say that, you're half-right there because Sakae in Yandere Heaven is definitely pretty intimidating >.< He's kinda the classic domineering guy you see in a lot of stuff who thinks he can own anything just cos he has money >.> But tbh, Takaaki is actually pretty sweet :3 Most of the time he's supportive, protective, and kind. He does have his moments though, haha. There's a particular scene where he completely loses his shit and I guess that could potentially be quite scary and off-putting, and in his ending, you see a lot more of his unhinged thoughts! But yeah, for the most part, Takaaki is a sweetheart, haha. I'd pick him over Sakae any day x3

Ahh, man, I listened to the song, and I can't lie, with what you said and with her beautiful voice, I almost cried x3 I remember playing that track in Project Diva years ago, but it was never one that really gripped me at the time. That English cover as a piano version is something else though! And I guess it hit me harder because of why you said to listen to it. I really hope you truly are able to leave the deep dark depths of the ocean and take off into the light :3

Heck, I think if we were all more supportive of each other, no one would ever feel like they're stuck in a place like that >.<It's a shame that we don't have stronger communities where people can rely on each other. Well, I mean, as far as I've heard, Finland is like that! But it's nothing like that over here >.<

Hehe, chocolate makes me happy too! Unless I'm having one of those days where I feel fat and despise my body even though I know I shouldn't, and then I can't eat chocolate cos it will just make me feel guilty x3 There are plenty of other little things that make me happy too though that I try my best to hold onto when they happen! Like seeing a cute bird land near me, or any animal coming near me really xD Being by the sea! Though that doesn't happen often cos it's too far away >.< Herbal teas and comforting smells :3 Actually, drinking passionflower tea before bed and having my oil lamp on with my favourite scent has really helped me sleep better lately!

I hope your week has been going as well as it can so far :3 I'm still just doing my usual and blocking out reality with writing and making music for another little yanjam project x3 I had planned to maybe take a couple of days off or something after releasing the new YH volume, but that didn't happen, haha. My brain is in one of those weird moods right now where I feel like I can't stop >.< Which is fine, until I burn out x3 Hopefully, that won't happen! And I'd rather be in my strange hyper-focused state than a mega-depressed one. I just always fear falling back down again cos I know when I get these kinds of highs, they always result in me crashing down at some point!

vocaloidsrcool64 days ago(+1)

That's a good idea! I'll send him a message on whatever social media he is on.

Yeah, you should never have to NEED to escape reality.

Ooh, I go to the online 'Choice Of Games' site now, but I remember those choose your own adventure books. They were so much fun!

Aren't the votes rigged? That's what I heard anyway. If that is the case, it would explain a lot.

The U.S must be the first most miserable country then. There is bullying, over-eating, killing, and, apparently, we are the country known to have the highest suicide rate, as well. So, yeah, not a good look on us.

I just looked up the definition of thyroid, and it seems pretty important. Are you okay? All of my warm clothes need washing right now. All I am wearing are two short-sleeved shirts, and a pair of blue jeans. We are out of bleach, so I can't get any sweaters or long-sleeved shirts washed right now, either.

I looked up images of alpacas, and, yeah, they are pretty cute. Your dad sounds like a really kind person. He reminds me of my mom. She used to buy me whatever I wanted too. I did hear that customer service was tough, but at least you got chocolates. XD That would make it all worth it to me.

Now I'm curious about the downsides to a job like that. People usually scare me, because I get nervous around them. I can't imagine trying to scare anyone. I probably wouldn't be good at it.

I have a bad memory, so I could not memorize lines that easily. Being the nun would have been hard just because of that. I feel kind of bad for that woman. This is why I can't go to haunted houses at theme parks; I would be just as scared as that lady.

I'm pretty weak, so holding that skull would be torture to me. >.< And, did the dry ice make the area cold? We've established that neither of us is good with the cold, so that would be hard for both of us. I hope you at least got bathroom breaks if you drank that much water.

I hope you try to practice self-care once a day, at least. ^-^

I'm glad that people can't push you around as much anymore. I also had to learn to stand up for myself and learn to say no to people at times.

Why do some girls like guys like Sakae? As someone who used to like sadistic yanderes, can you tell me? Takaaki's description reminds me of Kakeru. He was sooo sweet...until his ending, when I realized, he is kind of a jerk. So, Takaaki might leave me feeling disillusioned, too.

Hearing you say that...er...type that, makes me so happy~ I want to go into the light, and, maybe one day I will.

Thank you for telling me that! Now, I'm moving to Finland, so that I can find a good support group.

I'm kind of on a diet right now, actually. I'm not really fat, but I gained a pound or two, ans now I feel like I need to lose that weight.

The cat and the dog that my cousins have are not house trained, and both are kind of violent, so I am not really finding animals very comforting right now. But, when I drink tea, I also feel sleepy, and that feeling makes me a bit numb to my emotions so that I don't feel them too strongly, which I like.

I would be happy to get another yandere game from you, but I hope you don't get burn out symptoms.

I just get numb to the sadness now. When I am feeling content, (which is very rare now), and, I go back to my normal depression, I mostly just feel empty. Unless I end up sad because of an argument with a relative, then I end up almost in tears.

Melancholy Marionette45 days ago

Firstly, I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to reply >.< I was right that a crash was incoming, haha. Shortly after my last message, my hyper mode left me and I’ve been sleepy and struggling to do stuff since. I’m trying my best to stay on top of things, but it’s not going great x3

I’m pretty sure he’s on X/Twitter!

I haven’t looked in a long time, but I used to play Choice of Games stuff too and even managed to get my brother into their stories at one point :D I think maybe I discovered them before I even read my first VN!

I have no idea if vote stuff is rigged here but it wouldn’t surprise me if it was >.< Though, I fear it’s more likely that people are just kind of stupid and vote like sheep without actually researching who and what they’re voting for :(

I can’t remember which was ranked the most miserable, but yeah, both the UK and the US didn’t have great rankings x3 It seems like stuff just gets worse and worse as time goes on!

I have to take daily meds for life for my thyroid, and they stop me from becoming extremely ill at least, haha. So in that sense, I’m okay :3 The problem is, from what I understand, the thyroid medication supplied here in the UK is only like half of the thyroid hormone stuff that you’re missing if you have a broken thyroid. So while the meds help, they don’t make it the same as it is for people with healthy, properly functioning thyroids >.<

I read somewhere years ago that in the US, you can get a better medication for thyroid issues that is made using the thyroid glands of pigs and actually gives you everything your body can’t produce if your thyroid is broken like mine, but we don’t have it over here.

It means I will always be sort of ill I guess xD My metabolism basically doesn’t function, which is partly why I’m always cold x3 but more annoyingly, it’s why I have to do at least an hour of exercise every day on top of constantly watching my calorie intake or I just put on weight at lightning speed >.<

I hope you’ve been able to get your stuff washed by now! I can’t stand not having clean clothes to put on x3

Ooooh, there are plenty of downsides to scare acting, sadly, haha. The worst one being customers thinking it’s fine to touch you when you’re in costume like you’re not a person anymore >.> One of the scares I had to do when I was the nun character involved something called a drop hatch, and some dicks of guys tried to kiss me through the drop hatch, unsuccessfully, thankfully!

A lot of people I worked with there ended up quitting after a couple of years of going there for spooky season though cos customers were getting worse and worse, turning up drunk or on drugs, assaulting actors and stealing props. The company running the event had a policy that stated if you were visibly drunk or on drugs, you’d be denied entry, but in reality, they didn’t deny entry to anyone cos they wanted to keep selling tickets and not lose money. Which meant it was the poor actors who had to put up with guests being idiots :(

Other downsides involved not being allowed to go to the toilet once a shift started (and you could be in the attractions for 5+ hours), and sometimes not even being able to drink your water on a busy night because you were told to prioritise getting your scares in. If the flow of guests was constant, there was no opportunity to have a drink or catch your breath >.<

Aaand, at the place I was working, actors were responsible for cleaning their respective attractions after closing time, which sucked when you were knackered and just wanted to get home and take contact lenses out/makeup off etc. x3

The woman did end up laughing when she left the room, so at least I knew she was okay x3 I do feel sorry for people when you see that they’ve been dragged there by friends/family though and clearly don’t want to be there >.< If someone is in genuine visible distress, we were told to come out of character to assist them :3

Actually, it was the opposite with the dry ice and other effects used in the room, it was boiling hot and I was sweating all night long xD But yeah, no bathroom breaks on that role either >.< The way the attraction was designed, even if bathroom breaks had been allowed, it would have been impossible for the person handling the horse head to go to the bathroom without bringing the attraction to a halt since that character was part of the finale. Cos you can’t have an empty finale room in an attraction or the whole thing falls flat for guests >.< but the organisers don’t hire like a backup person you can tag in or anything, so you’re just stuck, haha.

Honestly, I don’t really know why some people like guys like Sakae x3 I could kind of understand it when you’re thinking of it purely in fictional terms because he does have his charms and is kind of hot, haha. Buuut, I personally see him as an asshole more than anything, and I’d always rather kick him in the balls than kiss him xD

When it comes to sadistic yanderes, I think what appealed to me in the past and still does to an extent is the power play sorta stuff. A sadistic yandere asserting dominance as a way to overpower an MC is something I can still enjoy if I’m in the mood for it! I’m not a huge fan of submissive characters in general, whether they’re love interests or MCs. Sweet characters are fine, but I will enjoy them more if they’re sweet + secretly manipulative rather than sweet + submissive x3

It’s a tough one to puzzle out in general because I like stuff that falls into the realm of BDSM, but I’m also asexual, so it’s more the psychological aspects of it that appeal to me than the sexual sides!

I enjoy reading/writing scenarios where some form of power play is involved and both characters aren’t the type to back down, haha.

And sadistic yanderes who are only sadistic towards enemies and total sweethearts to their LI while trying to protect them are also a lot of fun for me! Which is kind of the category Takaaki falls into.

I reckon everyone is gonna have their own different reasons as to why it appeals to em though :3 Like some people seem like they’re not even fussed if a yandere doesn’t love MC and they’re just a psycho >.< I don’t mind a psycho LI, but if I’m expecting yandere and there’s no love, only psycho, I get annoyed cos it’s like I’ve wasted my time x3

I definitely prefer the sweeter, softer, more secretively manipulative types of yanderes these days though rather than the violent ones whose love is pretty questionable >.<

Like with Sakae, I personally don’t think he loves MC at all! He’s still a yandere because he believes what he’s feeling is love, and it’s definitely driven him crazy in the pursuit of it x3 buuut, he’s not my kind of yandere at all, haha. Possessive is fine with me if the LI still sees the MC as a person rather than an object to own. Sakae seems like he just sees MC as a piece of meat to possess though and doesn’t care about MC’s feelings at all >.>

I would say Takaaki and Kakeru are pretty different, and I personally much prefer Takaaki :3 Takaaki is a lot less clingy than Kakeru. He does lose it when he feels betrayed at one point, but he’s more distraught than angry really, like to the point that he’s crying + also blames himself for it more than he blames MC >.< And he never really tries to harm MC at any point, even in his ending. He’s definitely got a sinister/creepy side to him that comes out more towards the end, but unlike Kakeru, he isn’t violent towards MC in any way. He’s more one of those protective types that puts MC on a pedestal and will eliminate anyone who tries to hurt MC.

Hehe, yeah, if only we could move to a country that would actually help us x3

I hope you manage to lose the weight you want to lose and that you’re not depriving yourself too much in the process >.< I really hate having to watch calories all the time. It’s like being on a constant diet just so I don’t end up fat again because I used to be pretty big as a kid/teen, and it took me years to actually get down to a healthy weight, so I live in constant fear of ending up overweight again since I know how easy it is for me to put weight on T_T

Ahh, man, that’s not good that they’re not house-trained >.< That must just make everyone’s lives more difficult!

Tea can definitely be good for a lot of different things :3 I always have as many different flavours of herbal tea as I can get in the house so I have different ones to choose from, haha. I don’t relieve believe most of them do what they claim on the packaging. Like ones that claim they give you energy or help with stomach problems and stuff x3 but I do find some comfort in the different flavours, and the ones for aiding sleep definitely help me a bit, especially the ones with camomile and/or passionflower in them :3

Yeah, I’m trying not to burn out completely x3 The lady who’s been helping me with the government stuff said I really need to do more to avoid burning out so much, haha. The problem is, I don’t really know how it’s possible to avoid it cos it’s almost inevitable after being through a hyper phase >.< Gonna be working on stuff over the course of a few months though rather than rushing right into another short jam at least.

I kind of know what you mean cos I don’t really have any level feelings of contentment, and yet that’s what they told us at the ASD group you should be aiming to be feeling most of the time xD And I was sat there thinking, well, damn, I rarely feel that if ever at all x3 They grouped different feelings into different coloured zones and showed us how easily things can make you go from one zone to another. It was really interesting.

I think green was contentment. But I always seesaw between yellow (anxious, fidgety, frustrated, wired, or hyper) and blue (sad, drained, hopeless, depressed, lethargic) >.< There was a red zone too for anger and stuff, but I’m definitely yellow and blue most of the time!

I can’t handle arguments and confrontation stuff with family cos it will make me cry too. I try to avoid it at all costs cos I know it will destroy me for days x3 other people seem to move on from stuff like that as though nothing happened, but I’ll end up stuck ruminating on it.

Btw, I haven’t forgotten about the thing you made, I just still haven’t had a chance to check it out yet T_T I just wanted you to know I do remember though, haha. It’s probably gonna take me a while to reply next time too cos I have a bad feeling I’m gonna be stuck in a slow-functioning mode for a while now >.<

I hope you had a decent Easter if you celebrated it at all recently! We don’t really do anything other than give each other chocolate x3

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