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i have spent three real life days trying to escape the house with no luck whatsoever, i either take too long and fail or i run into dad who eats me. any help on actually getting outside??

(+1)

FYI: If you want a guaranteed escape from the house, turning down the family photo on your desk in your bedroom is practically mandatory so that you can easily get Dad's front door key from his dresser without a sweat.

I'm so sorry I appear to not be getting notification emails from itch when I get comments for some reason! This is way late but just to confirm, yes what Naughty Mono said is right, if you want to get out of the house easily you can just turn the family photo down. The key is in the laundry basket if you don't want to do that, it's just luck based.