firstly: unfortunately, ı don't really have a good English so sorry for all mistakes ı did! plus its toooooo long comment so pls be prepared:') (sorry for writing too much hehe ı couldn't stop myself)
Helloooo ım here again! ı played the game and got two good endings (well ı think they are good endings) ı couldn't really bring myself to get other endings in a fear of well ı might see something ı wish not. why? well probably because of ı saw myself as a Saffie while plying the games time to time..that was an amazing game ^^ thank you so much for everyone who worked on this (and thank you for brining such an beautiful story alive)
ok now what ı will write will both include my own emotions and talking (maybe rambling nonsense :')) and my thoıghts about game more deeply with spoilers so anyone who doesn't wanna get any kind of emotional nonsense and spoilers please skip this part
I don't know if ım a autistic girl or not (ı am kind of sure ı have learning disabilities but some of my friends say ı might be high functioning autistic person too) tbh ı also don't want to know it either even ıf ım autistic.
why? because ı exactly think like saffie if you are different from the rest well congrats. you are doomed. Of course, that wasn't the case for me ı had a family who gave me great comfort zone (my room) and protected me feed me gave gifts and technically anything ı wanted to me. ı was a lucky kid. but ı know part of me is broken too... ı can vividly remember how my mom cried loudly saying things like what kind of sin she committed to have a child like me (ı was aggressive as a kid since ı couldn't really control my emotions and ı was really dumb one too like ı learned everything too late and no matter how much my mom tried) ı also have a mind that usually leans on unhappy memories than a happy ones. but again, expect being yelled by my parents or them laughing at my mistakes or myself ı only got bullied once and that was over a dumb reason and no ı didn't got beaten up either... it's just those kids followed me while ım going back to my home after school (home was pretty close) they laughed at me and kicked my backpack that's all. but still being lucky kid ı both understood Saffie and felt guilty because ı think ''ı understand her'' too. since as ı said there so many people living a hell unlike me. and yet ım somehow broken too with no reason. ı have a friend who literally same age with me (20) and has a child, taking care of the house, herself and the lessons at the same time and here ı am doing nothing except keep remembering my bad memories. anyway, in the game when ı saw how she clinged over a bear it kind of reminds me how ım clinging into my ''childhood'' and my toys and games now ı dont want to leave them no matter how weird ı am looking. ıt feels like ı will be lose my ''true self'' when ı lose them.
ı can remember that ı actually cried over my 10 years old almost dead laptop because ı got a new one and have to give it away haha.
in game ı actually hose to wait the creature yet once she suddenly go for suicide ı changed my option immediately... only to get into same point but the story ı got was really good and ım happy she didn't died... tho ı still don't understand why did Snowe brought her into prison-like place... the door was open which was good. but if ı were Saffie ı wouldn't try to open it either since it just looks locked XD (being pessimistic haha ) plus ı don't even know where ı am and ı might die outside. plus, the acts of Snowe actually reminded me part myself too. the part me that wanted to be ''normal'' or perhaps wanted to be ''accepted''? anyway ı always hated when someone saw me with tears and suddenly rush to me asking what happened but that always caused my tears to flow even more which ı hated. ı didn't want to cry in front of anyone because ı thought that's just being weak and it's not like they will solve my problems anyway so what's the point? hearing me out and then forget my words in few hours doesn't change anything except that they might pity me. which ı didn't want... ı didn't want to be ''poor thing'' ı wanted to be someone they see great since ı was also afraid that seeing my true self will only make them stay away from me (although ı look calm most of the time ı still have some issues while controlling my emotions especially when ı feel overwhelmed)
seeing characters as myself ı noticed small story inside of my head slowly shaped over the years ( it's more like me definin myself using analogy than a story but why not?) ı can't tell the full one since ı has too many hollows since ı didnt really write it down (plus its boring :p)
but ıt was something like this:
there was a pure light in the form of little girl full of hope and love she wished to be loved she wished to be happy with everyone but for some reason life didn't grant her wish and for some reason people around didn't want to be with her, ignored her, or said things that make her feel sad. little light didn't understand what she did wrong. but for some reason she left alone yet no one told her. she kept trying but things also kept being same.
soon after another form appeared ıt was opposite of little light ıt was pitch black in a form a girl the just like her apperiance she was opposite of little light. She was full of rage and sadness. She also wanted to hurt anyone she felt insecure with. At first little light was scared of darkness’ existance. It was carrying bad memories and acting aggresively ıt was obvious that ıf anyone see darkness they would hate her. So light decided to escape from darkness while preventing her to do anything to others. But there was times that darknes grew so strong that light could no longer avoid it and both of them got hurt in every explosion. After explosion darkness usually became more silent and light hoped that she would keep staying like that. But this became a circle and time gaps between explosions were getting shorter due to outside world was chancing making darkness even more insecure. This kept happening until the day that darkness become so strong and unstoppable, and explosions became one after another. Light was desperately trying to avoid the risk of people around her getting hurt by darkness, but she was also tired. But when things felt hopeless, and light could no longer avoid darkness. Light finally turned to darkness and looked at her. This time instead of how darkness surrounded everywhere with pitch black color almost forcing her way out tos how herself this time light looked at her by her decision. And after getting closer she noticed… that this darkness she has been avoiding was no one but her.
It was her feelings that she kept silent, ıt was her wish to stand her ground when someone made her upset, ıt was her that she got afraid tos how and hid and all those explosions were actually nothing but cries of her sadness and broken dreams that she tried to muffle.
Light noticed that what she avoids was not monster that must be hate and shoo away. But actually, the old wish of being accepted and loved that has been broken by others. It was both a despair and anger towards people who ignored her and hope that maybe someone will still see her accept her. This was the actual form of darkness that light misunderstood.
Seeing darkness true form with finally opened eyes.
Light slowly takes action in this whole mess. she slowly gets closer to darkness, to her desperate side, and then light hugs darkness with these words
‘’ No matter what happens please never fall into despair, ıts never too late and you are not uncapable of anything too, never give up on trying. Even you fail and there will no one loves you. I will be here and ı will always love you no matter what. You did nothing wrong’’.
with this explosion got weaker and there were tears on both light’s and darkness’ eyes.
after that ıt wasnt like explosions were gone but at least now darkness and light was working together to make these explosions less and less devastating towards both of them and towards the outside world. Perhaps their efforts will take years to finally soothe the explotions but fort hem ıts fine. As long as they keep trying together ıt will be never late afterall.
-end of the story-
so yeah ı wrote this when ı was super overwhelmed and everything was going bad. This story is technically ı used this story to see the main problem of my pain and try to release both me and my regrets so ı can finally breathe comfortably. İn the end ı really managed to say this words to myself and ıt feels like my mind ‘’the other me’’ heard it.. because after managing to end this road in days ı started to see someone supportive dreams which never happened to me before. Whenever ı got sick ı always had terrible nightmares. But after that event suddenly ı started to see my favorite game characters come to praise me and comfort me from my troubles saying things like ‘’ take care of yourself you are more important’’ which makes me so happy whenever ı see them (ı see those dreams so rarely these days ;w; noo)
anyway ı rambled too much perhaps because ı hope that this comment will be read by some people or just someone (^^ thank you for anyone who managed to came this far)
overall this is a great game ım also pretty touched by the ending writing thank you for all hard work ı feel truly lucky that ı found your games ı hope you will also take care of yourself and continue making games (with rest ^^). It was amazing game .