I saw this story last week, the way you broke up the large chunks of exposition text helps to make it more readable, and keeps you engaged in the story with the interaction! I love this world your'e building and am excited to see where it goes.
I also know youve done other work for this world before, and I wonder if later in the semester you could revisit the game as something akin to a visual novel; the art youve done for it is so compelling, I would love to see the game with illustrations depicting the choices, but thats an INCREDIBLY ambitious project, I know