Things are good and bad, at the same time. I don’t know if I can explain this in a way anyone understands.
I kind of feel numb, but at the same time any small action makes me either aggressive, emotional or just a mess in general? I broke my headset and almost started crying, and no, it is not my time of the month.
My ex said that he’s giving me a chance to try to make him like me, which I’m kind of hoping I can manage to do that.
I used to like my best friend, mostly because of this one very sexual interaction we had, in which he sent me some naughty pics while he was drunk, turns out he thought I was his ex, so, not something I’m very happy about.
Overall, money has been tight, but I know it’ll get better.
Still no contact with my father, but I guess I’m alright? Ended up breaking things up with a guy because he already had his whole life planned, and he just kind of expected me to fit into it, like, move with him, so he can maintain me as I give him children? I was not ready to think that fast.
I’m really glad you enjoyed your break! Also, what do you think of cats? Aren’t they amazing?
I'm sorry you're not in a great emotional situation right now... I know the place you're describing, where the world seems very small and grey but your negative emotional responses to things are heightened out of all proportion. It's a form of depression, and all I can do is say "this too shall pass".
"My ex said that he’s giving me a chance to try to make him like me"
Not going to lie - that's one of the most toxic, manipulative things I've ever heard. You need people who will support you, not people who will look at your vulnerable emotional state and wonder how it can benefit them.
"I used to like my best friend, mostly because of this one very sexual interaction we had"
You liked your friend because of the naughty pictures he sent? Or you liked him until he mistakenly sent the photos? Because the latter is understandable, but the former sounds like you're seeking personal validation and will give affection to people who you think will supply it. And you should never put your happiness in other peoples' hands.
The guy expecting you to behave like a jigsaw puzzle piece for his planned-out life is also highly problematic, so good job on getting out of that! :P
I'm more of a dog person, but cats are very cool too, yes. I just prefer affection to barely-concealed disdain ;)
Cats can be very affectionate too! My cat is probably one of the sweetest creatures ever. He has to hug something, or else he won’t sleep.
Regarding the guy who just wanted me to fit into his life, I ended things with him. We are jus “friends” now, thank god. But he won’t even go to a psychologist, even if he knows he is not okay. His parents actually support him if he wants to go to one, hell, I’d do anything to have a supportive family regarding therapy issues.
The guy with the sexual interaction, I already liked him before that, I do crave validation, and I’m probably not ready for a relationship, so I’m slowing things down.
I started taking some online courses, so, my mind is going somewhere, at least.
My ex is really manipulative sometimes, but other times he can be the best person ever. He has stopped me from ending things off, so many times, even if he says he doesn’t care, I know he does.
I forgot to take my antidepressants yesterday, and I was so dizzy today. Also, go watch Blue Beetle, it’s amazing!
Your cat is obviously a dog, cosplaying. Have you checked him for a zipper?
It's good that you ended things, and that you recognize yourself well enough to know that it's necessary to slow things down. You're surrounded by a lot of negative influences, but it's admirable that you can still see through it well enough to not get lost in it :)
The whole "he can be manipulative sometimes but other times he's the greatest" is how manipulation works ;P This is word for word how abused people talk. "He's amazing, and so loving! But I'm really dumb and sometimes I do stupid things that make him lose his temper."
Please don't forget your meds! Set regular alarms on your phone. This stuff is important.
I saw Blue Beetle advertised at the cinema yesterday, and it looked interesting. I might pop into a screening!
My ex and I are not going back together. I think I might have something for a friend of mine, I thought I was over it, but he is just the sweetest.
My cat doesn’t know he is a cat. He literally has to hug something for him to sleep, and he is a manipulative bastard, but I love him with all my soul, he is my therapy cat.
Blue beetle is so worth it!! As a Mexican, I felt like it was my actual family talking during the movie, it was pretty amazing.
I have to take my meds today at night, so I hope I can remember. I don’t like being dependent on them, but they are stopping me from doing dumb things.
I just realized how easy it is to make me happy, a friend joined me while I was playing a gun game, and I was about to lose, because three guys, (two of them are my enemies) were trying to knife my ass and demote me to one, so when I got to the last kill, my friend said “knife fight me”, and he pretended to lose, so I could get a free kill and win.
That was extremely sweet, and I got a boost of happiness from that. And the guy I have a thing for now, you know what he did? He submitted my name so I could get the rewards during an event, I didn’t even know, until he told me like two weeks after.
And that guy is literally a green flag with legs, he is the sweetest, funniest guy I’ve met, maybe a bit of a femboy, but he is amazing.
