This was a neat, humorous way to implement all the modifiers!
I admit I've always been kinda mixed on text adventures and CYOA books in general, but I enjoyed this one for a little while. I got through 4 different endings before deciding to stop. It wasn't so much because I was bored as much as I still have half the entries to rate lol.
Also good god having all that text and no H is impressive!
Good work!