Thank you very much! Although I feel like we should be talking more about you... I'm not going ask something ridiculous like "are you okay?" because of course you're not, but I hope that each and every day is better and better for you.
Going NC can be hard, but sometimes it's the only thing you can do and still remain sane. If you ever need to talk about anything - even if it's just favourite flavours of cake - you can always reach out. Just wanted to let you know that.
Annie will, indeed, be okay :)
Oh, and right now? Lemon meringue pie. I know, I know, not a cake, I'm cheating, but my mom makes a killer lemon meringue pie and I'm an ocean away and really craving it ;P
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Just before you answered, I had an episode, cried for like an hour.
It’s just that, I’ve been feeling so lonely. With only having three friends, one of them being my ex, who just loves degrading me, still adore him, he’s pretty cool, and the other two replying every five business days.
My mom also makes amazing lemon meringue pies! Though she’s diabetic, and so is my father, so I have a high risk of having it too, not yet, but I can’t have too many sweets.
I really hope you get to see your mom soon, though! Sometimes I tell my mom I’ll die before she does, and she tells me she’ll use an Ouija board just to ground me or something.
She knows about my depression and how the meds make me feel numb for some time, and then I just get sudden breakdowns, but lately it’s been worse. I’ve just felt so lonely, depressed and without the will to do anything.
Still, thank you so much for caring, man, really.
I don't think you can call anyone who degrades you "pretty cool", but that's just me. You should surround yourself with positivity and people who bring you up not pull you down. You deserve better than that.
My mom's diabetic too, actually, so I feel bad asking her to make the lemon meringue pie, haha. I make it up to her by cooking her favourite dinners when I'm around, though.
I've been there with the depression, and I know how small and grey it makes the world. I also know that it's not something you can "snap out of" and there's nothing anyone else can do. This is all on you, as unfair as that is. Take the time you need, do one thing every day that scares you, and know that sunlight and laughter are waiting for you when you're ready.
And keep reminding yourself that this isn't normal. You're not supposed to feel this way, and you won't always. One day you'll look around and realise that the world suddenly got so much bigger, and you can breathe again.
People care about you.
My ex just does it sometimes, but he never means it. Other times he’s extremely sweet, especially when I’m feeling down. He said that if I ever feel like that again, that I have to call him, even if he’s at work, or if it’s three AM for him. Which, I won’t do, I worry about his sleep.
I’m sorry about your mom being diabetic, my mom also loves it when I cook things for her, sometimes she’s too busy to make lunch for the family, so I have to do it, which helps me learn to cook on my own. I’m still too scared to use a match to light the stove, but I’ll get over it.
I think I’m close to convincing one of my friends to play this game, I’ve told him so many good things about it, and he said that as soon as he organizes his things (including his life), he’ll play it.
Last year, during a school trip, I tried to end it all, because I was in so much physical pain and emotional, and the next day, I was called “too emotional” by my teacher, who said I didn’t have depression, and instead I was just too hormonal. When I had been on meds for around a month.
I was kicked out of that school because of my depression, which makes me want to burn things, I had been there all my life, and I get kicked out for being depressed after going through a sexual assault?
I’m sorry for venting, but, I’m feeling better this week. I haven’t spoken to my father in like a month, this time he messed up, like when he hid the fact I had a new brother who was already 50 days old, or when he said “starving would look pretty on you”, when I was only 13.
Thank you so much for everything, really, you have no idea how much it helped me.
You have certainly been through a lot, and frankly, you should be proud of the fact that you're still going, and still moving forward! As the man said, "It's not about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward."
It's none of my business, and you know your own life best, but as someone who's family is deeply involved in people with special needs (across both the physical and mental spectrum) I just want to advise you to look up "love bombing" in relation to your ex. It's your life, of course, and there's nothing worse than an onlooker peering over your shoulder and telling you how to do things, but you seem like a sweet person and that triggers certain habitual protective instincts. I apologise, though, for the liberty.
A lot of people in life are going to tell you how you feel and what's "wrong" with you. Some will be trying to help, others will be trying to tear you down to make themselves feel better about their own lives. In either case, just remember that they're wrong, and that how they feel is not your responsibility.
Though that doesn't really help when they're in positions of power, and use that power to force their opinions on you... which is shameful, really, and they should absolutely be reported to the relevant authorities.
Still, I'm glad you're feeling better, and good luck with pushing past your fear of lighting up the stove! I know you can do it :)
And as always, feel free to reach out - here or on Discord - if you ever need to chat. I'm told I'm pretty okay-ish at listening, provided I keep my instinct to help bottled up ;P
My ex has rejected me many times, so, I doubt he’s love bombing me, as he has said he doesn’t want to be with someone who is younger than him, even if it’s only three years.
I made two new friends! I ended up venting to them by accident, by saying a few jokes that ended up revealing some stuff I didn’t notice. They found out about how I was sexually abused at 11, and they got so worried. I can already tell we’ll be good friends. Though one of them calls me mommy, which is strange, I don’t really mind?
I haven’t been doing much lately, money has gotten tight again, since mom lost one of her clients, I can’t cook anything special, but it’ll get better, she just got a new client! And I’m sure she’ll get two more soon. But as soon as I can cook something, I’ll light the stove and make something delicious!
I can’t express how much you’ve helped me, really. Thank you so much, for everything. I’m just a little scared of joining discord servers.
Last time I joined one, I was banned because I said there was blood on my mirror. If they had let me explain, they would have found out I had killed a mosquito.