What's the worst take you've ever heard?
i understand that you are a reflection of your parents, i mean, most people can see how i reflect my mom and dad (good and bad), but it’s the fact that like the stereotype of having parents who mentally abuse u or physically abuse u will make u a person who does the same. but like-people realize that they want best for their kids, so why hurt them? i’ve always tried understanding one of my parents view on everything, because their unhealed of how much shit has happened to them. and i know aggression isn’t just a fucking excuse but until YOU go through what THEY go through you’ll understand. until you realize how much pain their in, you’ll realize why they hurted you. because they never mean to. it’s like us for example-we say stuff we don’t mean, but it just comes out. we act before they think. yes, their adults, yes, their supposed to control themselves, but sometimes our reactions get ahead of us and that’s ok.
I get that, I understand, but sometimes being raised up a certain way, you don't know how else to raise your own child. The only way you know is how your parents raised you. Some people swear they won't be like their parents but when push comes to shove they find out that they don't know how else to act, it's what they were taught.
People raised in households where physical aggression is a normal thing will grow up to have higher rates of physical aggression. They haven't been taught otherwise, this is not bad to them, it's normal, this is just how things are, because that's what they were raised with.
That's not to say you will always always end up like your parents. People with bad parents can turn out to be the best parents ever. It all just depends on lots of different things.
Of course your parents have a reason for treating you the way they did. Of course it's okay that you make mistakes and do this or that because of everything you've been through. But it's also okay to acknowledge that it hurt you or someone else even if you or this other person are trying their best. It still hurt. And that's not something you can just brush off and say "they're just trying their best" abuse will always be abuse. Understanding their POV won't make it hurt any less. If something someone says hurts you, and you know they didn't mean to, you should tell them. Don't just go "well, they didn't mean it" cause they won't realize that it hurt you and they'll think it's okay to do or say that when it isn't.
Communication is important.
completely agree with the communication bit; but sorta off about the abuse. like, my thought on it ofc. abuse means several different things, but at times, people mistake abuse with discipline. i was raised by my mother most of my life, and discipline was a big thing. doing something wrong made bad consequences come, doing good brought good consequences. now-discipline can go from speaking to getting some what physical.
which, first i’d get the yelling, then the physical portion on it. something that-doesn’t really infuriate me, more or less gets me thinking and gets me defensive, is that, if you parent does physical discipline, it’s immediately abuse. abuse is when the parent KNOWS what they are doing, and have no regret, but they are doing it without a REASON. physical discipline on the other hand, is when you teach a child in a way of what they did wrong, but getting physical because some kids simply just don’t understand with words. difference. difference which people have mistake as “abuse” instead of discipline.
another thing, giving examples to children in real life scenarios. my mom is a big fan of doing physical examples-such as, when a person hurts you mentally, it’s as if you’re walking with a rock in your shoe. but you continue walking because you don’t want to lose them. i’ve had multiple physical examples with my mother, and that way, it sorta just gets the moral to me-but for SOME fucking reason, people immediately take it as a narcissist move. yes, my mom has done fucked up shit to me, but so have I. and it’s OKAY. she’s not perfect, never said i was, neither am i. so-why take her examples as abuse? it doesn’t make sense to me. i’m so happy that i wasn’t raised by my father because HE’S an abuser, not my mom.
i always get things such as: “oh, well, yk, when you’re a parent, you might go off on your kids”. yes, your parents raise you, but, other people can slowly start showing you the right path. i for one know that i won’t get aggressive on my kids, because i’m smarter than that, and especially since i learned that i’m more relaxed than aggressive.