Listen to me Low:
You're right, I don't know how you feel nor does anyone here, but one thing I know, and that is that YOU NEED JESUS IN YOUR LIFE!
I looked for him and found him, I never regretted giving him my heart and believing in him as my savior, that's why I tell you that you need him, I know people who didn't believe that Jesus could forgive them all their sins, but when they did, They felt true peace in their lives, to the point that one, when he accepts Jesus into his life, he doesn't even fear death, that's why I tell you Low, do what I did, you won't regret it, I'm not telling you, Jesus tells you in Matthew 28:20: hey here, I'm with you every day Until the end of the world, Amen
Look for Jesus, you will not regret it.