I really liked the writing style of this one! The long paragraphs and the detailed descriptions made it feel like I was reading a gothic horror novel, it was all very ~literary~
You're very good at writing gore in particular, in an oddly lyrical way? I thought some of the ghoulish descriptions were rather evocative.
Bonnie's character design is also super cute. She's a very adorable maid!
As an aside: I think the flow was just fine, and the scenes worked at their current length. If they had been longer, I think the story might have dragged a bit. As it was, however, it felt rather well-paced.