Oh! Short answer is, I think I've learned just enough to whip this together quickly. Next time I'm in the kitchen (which is apparently what I'm calling the computer I have Affinity on), I'll see what I can do!
Sweet! Thank you! The vertical lines are off by about an eighth of an inch but it looks like the PDF is fine so I'm pretty sure my printer just isn't accurate in that direction, grr. It's still close enough to work.