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Oh, the whole situation is very understandable. Most people who don't have depression can't grasp the concept of it following you in life, as something that requires adapting your daily life to(I've lately come to the realization that the social system, even public layouts, are designed FOR people who are not neurodivergent). It is important to find what routine modifications work for you personally. It took me almost 5 years to somewhat accept depressive moods as a valid part of my life and adapt so they do fit into my rhythm. It's less of a fight for me and more of finding ways to work alongside my behaviors. Just doing things a bit different than other people but managing to gain from life exactly what I want.

I'd recommend adapting your near surroundings for what differences your own 'brand' of anxiety and depression makes to it. Like this(and that one has helped me greatly): 

if empty food wrappers keep piling up on a desk or just someplace - place a tray/bucket/bin there; if you keep piling up laundry on a chair - a container of sorts there also helps; assess how much energy you feel at the start of the day and, liking it to coins, decide how many you have. and each time you feel like you've exerted said energy, mentally lessen the count by how much it took out of you to do it. when you have no coins left, it means you've done all you could today.

I don't know much about medications but definitely tell your therapist if the medication doesn't suit you. For me personally, Zoloft has worked alright so far. Might not wanna get any meds with ingredients imported from India. I've tried Sertrolin once and it had the same effect as straight up sedatives. A nasty thing, that one.

With that in mind, I've been taken with your work quite a bit. Haven't found anything like it in a while. Your stories have that delightfully realistic edge to them. It's positively ravishing ;)

Yeeeeah, that's pretty much how my mum is x3 She seems to think that depression is a case of just being lazy, and that simply getting a job will solve all your problems >.< She's just a very different person to me though. Sure, she has her ups and downs, but I think she's ever truly experienced what it's like to have poor mental health, and so she's just unable to understand how debilitating it can be.

Being neurodiverse certainly doesn't help the situation either, haha. As you say, society, in general, isn't really designed for non-neurotypical people, so it's kinda like already being at a major disadvantage before you even factor in stuff like anxiety and depression >.< 

I'm sorry that you've had to go through everything that you have :( But also, that's a huge achievement to have gotten to the point where you are able to accept that sort of thing, even if it did take 5 years! My therapist kept trying to drill into me that it's impossible to be consistent each day in terms of productivity because each day is different and brings different challenges, so it's impossible to expect myself to be able to keep on being as productive as days that have passed x3

Hearing that you're able to acknowledge something like that for yourself gives me hope that I might be able to someday too :3 I think I'm maybe a bit too stubborn for my own good xD even when I'm struggling like crazy, I keep pushing myself onwards, and it never turns out well, but I never learn my lesson either >.< haha.

If I can somehow learn that it's completely valid for me to have these dips without beating myself up for them, I'll probably be a lot better off!

I really love your energy = coins analogy! I'm gonna attempt to give that a go because I certainly do find myself trying to take on too much and then getting myself worked up when I ultimately fail to do everything I had hoped to x3 Perhaps using that method, I can try and be a bit more realistic with myself about what's achievable!

In the end, my therapist agreed that I should come off of the medication I was on at the time (Duloxetine), though she did think I should try something else. I told her that I would prefer to go without for now, because every time I've tried medication, it just seems to make things worse in one way or another >.< I tried Sertraline years ago and I know what you mean! It was awful. I could barely get out of bed :( I believe Fluoxetine did the same thing to me as well. Citalopram made me gain a crazy amount of weight and begin to lose any and all feeling >.< And Mirtazapine turned me into a ravenous monster with an insatiable appetite that wanted to eat anything and everything in sight xD Even a carrot was a delicious treat to me while I was on that! Unfortunately, I was on it around Easter time, so when stores reduced all their Easter chocolate, I went mad buying all the leftovers o.O Luckily, I had enough willpower in me to not eat them, and to tell my GP at the time that it was getting kinda ridiculous, haha. All the chocolate went to a local foodbank in the end, haha.

I'm super glad you've been enjoying my stuff anyhow :3 I hope I can produce equally satisfying content in the future! :D Thanks for all your kind words and support! I hope 2022 has been treating you well so far :3

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Uncooperative relatives sure are a trend these days. I sometimes bristle at  how condescending and patronising they can be when you're trying to make an effort to be understood.  Mine, 50+ year old mother obviously notwithstanding. Old dogs can learn some tricks but not all. Then, you have to decide whether it's worth it keeping them nearby. (Or, at least at apartment's door length, for me. It's hard, and I'm at times like jello)

From my experience, it's certainly worthwhile to try new ways in which you can change your routine. A 'just do it' analogy, funny enough, really is applicable here. I myself have decided to just go to whatever social events(free ones, cause I'm hella broke) in my city, unless I'm sick. It's nice to meet new people, kinda lifts off the atmosphere that otherwise hangs over your usual life.

Each time I feel better for it, I'm surprised once again. Even If I have to do it week after week, seeing as my attention span makes these fresh revelations fade a bit. 

You know, doing the dishes after every meal is kinda gratifying. No, really, the feeling of accomplishment just slides into place. So weird (⁀ᗢ⁀).

I guess, I'm one of the more or less functioning people out there(at least in my extremely sad territorial area). Yet, I was forced to take the rest of the year off. By my college administration. Cause 'we aren't equipped to deal with you' , even though they have accomodations for _physically_ disabled people. But really, It's cause I've got a scholarship when I've enrolled there, 3 years ago. They don't do this sort of thing to people who pay tuition fees. Those would get a slap on the wrist and that's it. But a free budget place is too succulent of a thing to not kick me in the arse. Well, repeating a year ain't that bad. But f*ck them.

Glad you've notified your therapist. Food is good. Food is nice. A delicious treat has never run amiss (.❛ ᴗ ❛.) (Lemon tart... my beloved  。゚・ (>﹏<) ・゚。)

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My parents are like polar opposites, haha. My mum just doesn't really take much interest or think much of what I'm doing, but my dad is super supportive, even going as far as to help me out on Limbo Line by taking some epic photos of geese to go on Nine's PC xD And then we have my brother, who thinks I'm not a proper dev because I don't have a studio, I'm not being paid, and worst of all, because I'm making VNs, which he doesn't consider to be proper games >.> 

Holy moly, you have a lot more confidence than me to go out to social events and stuff! That honestly sounds like my idea of a nightmare I'm that averse to socialising x3 Not only have I got my autism and social anxiety to deal with, but I'm a huuuuuge introvert, so it doesn't take much at all in the way of socialising to drain me dry, haha. I don't really feel as though I need any more people in my personal life anyways since I'm super close to my dad, lucky enough to have an amazing best friend (even if she does live 3 hours away from me, haha), and some really wonderful friends online too :3 That'll do me, haha. I don't think I could even physically cope with more than that even if I wanted to xD

More power to you though for putting yourself out there like that cos that really can't be easy at all! It must take a lot of guts :3 

I sort of know what you mean though cos whenever I meet up with my best friend, just travelling to see her and hanging out with her feels like it shakes things up a bit :3 Along with reminding me that there is more to life than my usual daily routine and safety bubble. Sometimes it even gives me a bit of a boost to try and be more social, but whenever I've acted on that in the past it's just ended in disaster xD

I can't say I ever feel particularly gratified doing the dishes x3 More just a sense of irritability for the fact that I have to clean up after my brother cos he's too lazy to ever do it himself >.<" He won't even do them himself when my dad and I are away! We just come back to a giant pile of washing up and no clean dishes left to eat off of :( I tend to do them while doing something else, like making coffee or cooking dinner, just because I like it when I can get multiple monotonous tasks done at once to save time, haha. 

Wow... That's just absolutely awful about your college admin. What a horrible and outdated attitude to have >.< I'm sorry you have to deal with something like that. They sound like assholes for treating you that way :( It shouldn't matter whether you got a scholarship or are paying tuition fees, everyone should be treated equally >.<

Not quite lemon tart, but I just had a mini limoncello pannetone for lunch xD Oh how I wish you could devour what you like without putting on weight x3 I love food, haha. 

Hope you're getting to have a happy weekend at least :3