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Problem: Windows insists this is a virus and I literally cannot run it or play it.

Or I'm just an idiot and gave up one step away from playing it that works too

It's not a virus. A friend of mine had a similar experience trying to run a different game made in the engine a while ago, so I think it might be an issue caused by it being a custom engine. Do note that I'm not an expert on the issue, but my collaborator is asleep at the moment, so I'm responding what I know just to clarify.

I'm sorry to hear that you are unable to play our game, but thank you for letting us know. I hope the rest of your jam experience is lovely. :)

the game is bloody amazing

Hi!

I am aware of this, but I'm not sure how to avoid it. I can tell you the game is not a virus (feel free to run it through VirusTotal).

2FoamBoards is probably right, I think it being a custom engine is to blame. The .exe is fresh out of Visual Studio and this not signed in any way, which may be the issue.

I'm glad you were able to play it in the end! Hope you enjoyed it!