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4.4.2, Kernel ver 3.4.0-964333 w/root

A lot of weird stuff refuses to work on it (like Fire Emblem Heroes) so I might've just mucked something up when ricing it.

Thanks for getting back to me on that. You're actually using the same version as my galaxy tab I use for testing on larger screens, which makes it all the more strange that it crashed on your device. By any chance did you rice it so it must keep everything on external storage? I intentionally setup my android SDK settings to require as few permissions as possible to avoid any headaches with google ( They require you to setup a privacy policy if you have too many / certain permissions ), so if you rooted your phone and set it up in a way that it absolutely NEEDS to have WRITE_EXTERNAL_STORAGE permission for everything then that might be why.

If you have a way of checking that it could also fix Fire Emblem for you.