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I am sorry about the delay in answering your question. The cyberpunk bundle had come out and I needed the money so I was afraid of rocking the boat by saying anything lest I somehow screw everything up. 

To answer your question, among my own kind being seen as a trans woman is passing to me and comfortable. Other times among cis people who view trans women as inferior it isn’t passing to me. For example when I’m the only person in a room who is asked to give pronouns or when people comment on my “tells” such as feet or height or whatever, it’s painful. 

I don’t really pass well all the time but I blend in enough that I’m usually left alone. If I could go without being misgendered again for the rest of my life I’d be happy regardless of how people see me.

The deeper part of this is that passing is not really a thing. It didn’t make it into the game due to scope and complexity but there was a character named Fancy who was planned to be included from the start. She was going to be an actual ghost who was buried as a boy by her family and was stuck haunting the world and filled with hatred. 

No matter how you look, there are systems of gendering in place that exist even after death that enforce gender on us and we don’t always have control over them. I wanted to write about that pain but I just didn’t have the skill as a developer to make it yet. 

I think passing is a painful thing because existing in society comfortably and safely is tied to it so I can’t exactly say “fuck passing it’s bullshit” and ignore it. At the same time chasing passing is ultimately self destructive for me and ends up hurting me. 

I think for me passing is being able to avoid being misgendered while being part of society and having my gender not be questioned and scrutinized. That’s what passing is to me but it’s painful and really complicated. I’m sorry this turned into a rant but I thought about your question a lot and I finally just wanted to answer even if my answer is inarticulate and flawed.

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Hello, I am very, very happy to read your answer. Thanks for writing all this and sharing it with me!

I guess passing is far from being just personnal: it’s a matter of context, of society, and so on… And I guess this is what makes passing painful. It’s something you can’t really control, it’s out of reach.

As for you character Fancy, it totally sounds like an awesome idea! Have you ever considered collaborating with someone else?

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Passing is entirely out of reach which was the point of the game. I once saw a streamer play my game and give up in frustration because they didn't think they could find a way to pass. I'm glad that I could give them that sort of experience in a gentle way.

Also I am REALLY excited about writing Fancy and she's my favorite OC but I have projects that have to be done before I can really get to work on her. I doodle her a whole lot though. But I'm getting off topic.

As far as collabs go, I'm a mess and bad at focusing and tend to self isolate. Under proper conditions, my work can be really strong but otherwise, it can just end up being a mess. I'm fine with collaborations but it would really be a question of scale and time. Right now my time is super limited and I have a lot on my plate. I'm happy to listen to an idea though if you want to email it to me or something? 

It might just be a while before I could commit to anything if I ever can but I'm totally up to hearing it. x_x

(my dev email is: steammccue@gmail.com just fyi)

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I sent you an e-mail 1 or 2 weeks ago, I hope you received it and I hope you’re doing fine!

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Hi, I'm sorry about the delay. I'm a hot mess and tend to not socialize for long periods and then have bursts of socializing. I will respond today but thank you for checking in on me. 

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I replied!