My last reply was somewhat generic and I felt a bit guilty about it :-). I've just read your other posts and how much you had to work through. I'm so happy for you that you have this much psychological insight at your age and good friends to talk to. When I was 21 I had not the faintest inkling of how to handle my feelings and I felt like there was no one I could talk to about it. It took many years for me to work through all this and confront my fears. Times were different then, almost 40 years ago, and information was hard to come by.
I'm so glad to know that you read my story so no need to feel sorry about that 😙 In my darkest days at highschool, I had to deal with my parents, lovers, friends and studying at the same time all by myself, which was way too much for a teenager. Parents checked all my messages without my consent and threatened my boyfriend and me, my boyfriends ditched me 3 times, friends at school verbally harrassed my sexuality (I realize I have that internalized homophobia too) At least, I have been through the worst situation so what could be worse :)))?
I can completely sympathize to your situation when being gay was treated as a sin. In Asia, people are still judgemental about this subject so coming out is always a long story. I even have to make a plan for this :)))) and the worst scenerio might be me being kicked out of my own family 😔
I can't imagine what it means to live in a hostile environment like that, with everything else you have going on. In Germany things have improved a lot over the years and most people are generally accepting of gays. There's the one or other homophobic politician of cause, but they are heavily leaned on by the media if anything comes out :-)
That's the best dream I can ever think of. The human history has been through countless civil war: race discrimimation, gender equality and now sexual equality. We can't choose the place we are born but we can choose the way we make an impact. Game is tough but players are tougher :)))) And thanks to wholesome games and people I have met, I realize I'm not alone. Even you are in the old society but you still manage to survive and thrive, I believe can do it too.