Hello!
It's rare to receive constructive criticism. More than often people tell what they dislike, but not why or how it can be improved. I really appreciate your time in writing your detailed thoughts and sharing tips.
I agree that the story lacks an explanation in the supernatural department. Almost all, if not all, the characters are very accepting with the strange events occurring. Now I look back at the story, I wish that the characters had more moments to reflect. The emotional development could have more layers. During the time I wrote the first draft, I had no much visual novels for reference. For example, I played Amnesia Memories where a side character has so much "inner monologue" that felt highly annoying. I took the extreme other side with my writing. In recent years, I write stories that are closer to myself. Not only I feel more connected, but it's easier to take real life references than starting from scratch. This way the fictional world will feel more realistic. I should've done more research on this aspect.
I didn't take time to create a layout of the plot. All of the writing was done on impulse and edited multiple times later. The order of events was all in my head; it was easy to mess up the timeline, especially with so many plot lines. This project taught me to make better planning and create an overview.
My editors/proof readers often told me to show rather than tell. I've liked to add more reactions of the characters than leaving it open to interpretation. Most hints are left there because they're explained in other routes. One thing I did plan was that every storyline is connected through details even though they're from an entirely different perspective. I'm not sure how to explain the romantic aspect, because this is very subjective. I tried exploring different pacing with every character. Kurato is the type that is the most open about it, while Zeikun takes a long time to show any affection.
I want to improve my writing for future projects and critiques like these help me a lot! Aside from that, I continue to work on myself as a person too. I reflect more on my actions and I like to explore the creative field to expand my library. I think that sometimes a writer's personality reflects in their work. Whether it's their way of thinking or what they enjoy.