This is genuinely useful - thank you for giving it a second go and writing out what tripped you up.
You're right about the wall of text. The tutorial explains systems before you've had a reason to care about them, which is backwards. I'm going to strip it down and lean on on-screen cues instead.
On your actual question: I don't think I have a good answer yet, and I think that's the real problem. The intended loop is "place a building, watch rent tick up, reinvest" - but if that isn't landing in the first two minutes, saying it louder won't fix it. I need to find a hook that's visible without reading anything.
I don't want to promise a date I can't keep. But your two comments have been more useful than anything I've gotten so far, so thank you for taking the time.