Finished reading this last night and I have some Thoughts about it haha...
First off, this VN actually took me quite a while to read despite being rather short. Usually I click through VNs very quickly, even ones with the prettiest art and the most high quality of presentations, because I'm impatient and I prioritise reading the story above all else. There was something about the presentation of this VN, though, which really made me slow down and appreciate all of it: 'Narcisse' recording his thoughts to the camera, the segments where he's texting his friends, the inserts with the fanfiction he's been writing and his interactions with Gabriel's fan community, his inner monologue... There's a lot going on here in such a short wordcount, but it all manages to feel cohesive. I liked how 'scattered' the narration is, actually: it fits with how fragmented 'Narcisse's' sense of self becomes, and kind of seems to echo his mental state in a way.
This story is pretty dark, obviously (it actually ended on a much grimmer note than I expected, though I didn't read the content warnings LOL so maybe this was warned for), but I mostly appreciated how funny it was when it wasn't being Really Grim. I think my favourite part of this VN was 'Narcisse's' rant in the fandom community about how people prefer Gabriel over Seiji, it feels so ridiculous but it's perfectly believable that somebody would write something like that... In fact, I'm sure I *have* seen people write things like that in fandom spaces. I love how reasonable 'Narcisse' is trying to sound, all while he's basically calling other people morons for not agreeing with him ("though of course, everybody's entitled to their own opinions " lol).
I also unexpectedly really liked Josh's character. I think it's interesting how 'Narcisse' boils his friends down to tropes when they interact ('The jock', 'the weeb', etc) and he's very dismissive of Josh in his inner monologue as being 'some bicurious guy who's going to use me and then cast me aside', but the reader can see pretty clearly in that one scene of Josh he is a decent guy (he is too good for 'Narcisse' haha). It makes it more apparent 'Narcisse' is a pretty unreliable narrator who isn't really trying to engage with his friends, all the while wallowing in his own self-pity about how nobody understands him. You did a great job showing how his POV is skewed in a subtle way, it's also quite sad to read somebody being so negative towards a person who clearly has his best interests at heart.
It was entertaining in its own way to see 'Narcisse' spiral throughout the story to being The Absolute Worst version of himself, and I did like how deranged his thought processes become (he also has some pretty suitably deranged facial expressions too LOL). The 2nd time he interacts with Gabriel was also pretty funny, even if it was uncomfortable: it was fun seeing 'Narcisse' trying to rationalise that EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE WORKED OUT FINE IF THAT JERK SEIJI WASN'T THERE...
So it's also quite interesting to see, at the very end of the story, that Seiji is actually far more sympathetic about what happened to 'Narcisse' than Gabriel, even though 'Narcisse' was overtly rude to him and Gabriel was the object of his affection. I wonder if this is another dig at 'Narcisse' not being the best judge of character a la Josh, or maybe it's another indication that he was so wrapped up in his own delusions he wasn't perceiving reality clearly (well, the story is full of those at the end).
This is honestly a pretty bizarre story which is told in a myriad of different ways, with some of the most ??? sound effects I've heard in a VN and an incredibly insane MC (also 'Narcisse's' emotions were giving me big Inside Out vibes lol), but I really liked it. I think it manages to come together to form a cohesive whole even if the individual elements seem kind of disparate, and while 'Narcisse' is uh not the best guy I did feel a lot of sympathy for him. Though there are some very funny parts of this story, it is sad to see a character who had potential pushing everybody who cares about him away and wallowing in his own delusions because he's too ashamed? Prideful? Fearful? to open up to others who are actually in a position to help him.
I suppose it's also telling the only person 'Narcisse' wants to 'open up to' is Gabriel, who is an idol and is basically unattainable. He doesn't have to worry about how his beloved will regard him if he and his beloved literally can't interact (for the most part) and it's all one-sided, AI generated photos of you and your beloved kissing can't tell you to go to therapy or get out of bed or eat some food...
(I also think it's interesting Lewis calls himself Narcisse even though he treats himself so terribly, but it's clear he does have quite the ego despite his rapidly deteriorating mental health and that is probably a big reason why he doesn't get outside help...)
In any case, I really enjoyed it. It packs so much into a relatively short wordcount and there's a lot to dwell on. The characters feel complex and multi-faceted, even characters who don't get much screentime like Josh, and I really love how you write terrible men. I hope you write more insane yaoi like this in the future (er, if you want to, of course!), you're very good at digging into the mindsets of mentally ill characters and showing what makes them tick!
Hey ebi, thanks for sharing your thoughts about the game!! (for anyone else reading this, the reply will involve spoilers so beware unless you want them lol)
I'm glad you appreciated the variety of the narration!! I was very confused writing the game actually, as I didn't have a very detailed outline, just the broad strokes of the story, so I was quite surprised to find myself writing fanfiction, forum posts etc. but yes, I thought it would be a great way to narrate the story in a less straight-forward way (similarly with things like a phone ringtone to suggest what happens between Lewis and his gr**mer, or the shirtless Gabriel with the most embarrassing sounds I've ever put in a game to suggest, beyond the jacking off, Lewis' growing obsession for Gabriel lol)! I guess it was a good way to exploit VN as a medium, but also I thought it would offer a good contrast to The Beauty Marks of Aquarius, which also had a lot of things going on in terms of visuals/sounds, but which also relied heavily on its prose (and I thought a college sopohomore in this day and age wouldn't express himself the same way as a PhD candidate in 1972 lol)
And yeah, I gave very detailed warnings about everything lol, but I'm actually glad people seem not to read them, as I think the game is best experience blind, as it really is a descent into madness loool! But yeah, somehow, the game ended up having a lot of humour, which is quite unexpected (I've been having this game idea in my mind for years, and jokes only bloomed when I started writing it lol), but I guess the jokes somehow added to the unhinged vibe and to Lewis getting crazy (and yes, the post in question was indeed very ironic, especially with lewis writing that people feel "too comfortable being parasocial" which isn't very subtle irony but i guess it's not a game like that lol)
For Joshua, absolutely!! He was meant to show the biases in Lewis' judgement (tbf, the friend group isn't that great, but Joshua is my baby boy), and that's why it was important, if you choose to go upstairs with him at the party, to have Lewis be the one being more insistent etc. and overall, Joshua was meant to evoke a more standard love interest — like, who Lewis could end up dating if he weren't so convinced he was so deeply broken that he needed someone miraculous as Gabriel Howell to fix him (hence why Joshua ends up dating a guy named Narcisse, it was funny lol)
And you're right, for Seiji!!! He and Gabriel are characters from my first solo VN (which isn't accessible anymore for reasons lol), but to give broad strokes, the protag of the game was in fact Gabriel, an idol who wanted to put a stop to his career as he felt more and more uncomfortable with his fanbase and who was worried to tell Seiji (who of course encouraged Gabriel to pursue his own dreams etc.), so the contrast is indeed on purpose: Lewis just makes Gabriel uncomfortable, and Gabriel isn't as social as Seiji, who ends up being the one caring the most about Lewis (Gabriel is far from being heartless actually, he's quite empathetic too, but not to the point of piyting someone who assaulted him lol)
Regarding the emotions, you are right, the inspiration was Inside Out loool (when I started conceptualising them a few years ago, there were overall all black and white expecting for Desire, but I thought it would be a more interesting contrast to have them be colourful); and for the name "Narcisse", that's indeed because, despite everything, self-contemplation is a very big theme in the game (the whole camera set up is meant to mirror Narcissus looking at his own reflection), and yes! He does have some ego (for example, the way he despises Weasley's appearance, the way he sees his friends as "tropes", even his misogynistic view of Cindy), and somehow still despises himself (I did meet people like that, who despised others a lot and still hated themselves: for example, they didn't feel particularly clever, but believed they were more clever than most)
Thank you for sharing your thoughts in such a detailed manner and for the kind words!! I really hope my future pathetic men will still be as interesting (and honestly fun lol) to write and to read!!