I like the scenario a lot, it feels like it is straight out of the pages of a horror pulp. I really enjoy the cast of characters and the premise.
I had to look up Fallout in the LH srd to get a grasp on how the submission will play - am I right that Fallout only occurs when a Dark One deals critical damage AND the character fails a save? That may not happen, right? I may be mistaken, but I might consider having the infection spread via some other mechanic as the scenario may end quite quicky or have two random other apartment inhabitants also be infected at the game's start. I might also consider differentiating each Dark One to avoid some sameiness in the encounters. I say all this because I really want to run this scenario and need to figure it out! I really do like it.