hey hey tackler, robin.
killer work! hope you don't mind somewhat scattered notes here, just pulling at what jumped out to me.
- I think "any willing creature may take your burdens. most are unwilling" is a great concept and the core (for me) of what makes this entry so appealing. i think a little more visual emphasis on this would've gone a long way-- it feels a little hidden between the bullet points explaining burdens.
- all of the enemies definitely hit those appendix n. weird notes. i appreciate you tying them back to the light imagery. i feel like some of the religious influences mixing together (lotuses / golems) dilute their strength a bit. obviously no fictional religion needs to be fully grounded in reality, but specific religious imagery like that tends to be pretty load bearing when text is sparse, so that pulled me out somewhat.
- really dig the blend of aggressive and non-aggressive encounters / signs. i almost wish there were less opportunities to release burdens to force players to make more difficult decisions with who they unload on, but that's my sadistic gm side talking.
- lot of details in each of these rooms, love it. the prayer hall feels a little bare compared to some of the later entries. two anachronistic bits in paradise bound didn't work for me. "scent like a hospital" and "static portal" take me out of the otherwise established medieval fantasy setting in a way where the dissonance doesn't feel intentional. the more i think about it the more i think it's the combination of the two back to back. hospitals aren't necessarily a modern concept, but paired with static it's hard not to picture a modern ward.
- highlights: "the temple's sinking tore the skin off this place and left its bones behind," "a monk kneels in each corner, jealously watching the throng" and the refuse pit.
- last page being empty is a flex, i dig it. gives time for that "hand stays just out of reach" to linger after reading.
that's the gist. very cool entry