I don't want to accuse anyone, but it feels like the text was made with AI, judging by the certain character's phrases and speech. Had too many hours talking with different AI, so for me it's quite obvious. No judging here, but I recommend to rewrite certain parts yourself, so it will look more alive and original. And certantly the grammar errors should be corrected in the future.
Despite everything, the art style used for both BG and characters is cool and pleasant to look at, add bonus for many different Naku's expressions. The whole novel's concept is interesting, the setting is for sure.
I hope, if you'll manage to be develop all your projects succesufuly, remember that you have to be satisfied with them yourself. Good luck!:3