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after few days the manic-visceral-anhedonic episode subsided, during which we have not given it at any point into any cheap form of eschatological belief, while seeing the world as a loveless wasteland. We've since reevaluated a lot about life and jam and your work.


As you noticed my comment focused on the beginning, it is strange reading the rest of the work and waiting for another punch like that, which just isn't coming. Its a very uneasy balance, and it took me out of experiencing your sharp prose on its own terms. I really like the alienation from the alienated aspect of it, its all very unsentimental and unindulgent. I see people describe it as bitter and cynical, but it lacks satisfaction of these tones, its more like disilusioned, negative, schizo (if im about to use psychological (fascist) language) or most succintly: anhedonic

I guess theres a certain tendency here describing your work in what it isnt, definition from negatives, deduction and it does seem like the easiest mode of describing this, and it is yuri of absence after all.
Aspect that I havent seen anyone else bring up: there is a certain disilusionment that is merely implied; namely the lack of contrast between vapidity of "straight" "culture and the "queer""culture""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

When I got to the end I thought the whole afterword was sarcastic, all the thanks seemed completely out of place in a work with such foreword, but now I thought about it more and I think I get it, or at least im projecting really hard. 

in a jam where everyone sees psychosexuality as rigid eschatological machinery, this work has an aggressive spark to it, its alive, its still standing

thank you


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oh also also: i ended up thinking about how both of our jam >submissions< end up using voyeurism as a framing device , without saying too much, i think i know why is that

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:face_with_hand_over_mouth_emoji:

glad to hear that the anhedonic episode let up on you, and to my pleasure, your hedonic viewpoints are headily enriching to me.

i've gotten the sense that people really want an incendiary scene-devouring heater out of work after reading the opening salvo, but i think that the negative/schizo/anhedonic stuff that you're targeting was definitely more my point over all - creating ambiguity, negative space, and the protective layers out of mood swings, and lying the outward rage at the start, crumbling and going wet and cold by the end. 

i really appreciate you calling out the complementary nature of the straight culture/queer culture scenes. i didnt want to create an illusion that queer communities are somehow a paradise or whatever. i wanted to create a backdrop that would make sense for someone to feel "I tried to run away, but in the end I couldn't escape, cuz im still surrounded by people".

i dont think that sarcasm is exactly correct for the afterword, yeah. that was originally the idea as a joke, before i actually wrote the story, but when i got to the end, i decided "the reality is i just hold two worldviews. what if im angry and im grateful?" i think in this particular scene that there can be a lot of value in anger that gratitude can't really replicate - i think people are often too nice or too dishonest with their dishonesty, and i think that anger can provide a cutting clarity in those kinds of situations. but also i wanted to do the jam and i wanted to have fun. im really glad that in the end it really spoke to you.