:face_with_hand_over_mouth_emoji:
glad to hear that the anhedonic episode let up on you, and to my pleasure, your hedonic viewpoints are headily enriching to me.
i've gotten the sense that people really want an incendiary scene-devouring heater out of work after reading the opening salvo, but i think that the negative/schizo/anhedonic stuff that you're targeting was definitely more my point over all - creating ambiguity, negative space, and the protective layers out of mood swings, and lying the outward rage at the start, crumbling and going wet and cold by the end.
i really appreciate you calling out the complementary nature of the straight culture/queer culture scenes. i didnt want to create an illusion that queer communities are somehow a paradise or whatever. i wanted to create a backdrop that would make sense for someone to feel "I tried to run away, but in the end I couldn't escape, cuz im still surrounded by people".
i dont think that sarcasm is exactly correct for the afterword, yeah. that was originally the idea as a joke, before i actually wrote the story, but when i got to the end, i decided "the reality is i just hold two worldviews. what if im angry and im grateful?" i think in this particular scene that there can be a lot of value in anger that gratitude can't really replicate - i think people are often too nice or too dishonest with their dishonesty, and i think that anger can provide a cutting clarity in those kinds of situations. but also i wanted to do the jam and i wanted to have fun. im really glad that in the end it really spoke to you.