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(+1)

big shoutout to mado for going all in on the promise to shake off content limiters. i recently read bad faith and this captured some of the best parts. squirming discomfort. girls (women) talking past each other, telling each other what they think they want to hear. I (positive) laughed out loud when I saw the first frame of the life cycle wheel because i knew I would have to settle in for the rest of it. the sound design was like…aspirationally disgusting, especially the opening. impeccable design as usual, mado really shines with sprite Poses in addition to expressions and it all works very well together 

SPOILERS ETC 

i also laughed when the concept of “toxic yuri about wholesome yuri” unfolded. direct references to media - awesome. directly pulling from literature- awesome. directly making a media about opinions about media - awesome. 

every chance I get I say “I want to see writing from people’s niche experiences” and this is one of the  hyperspecific drills I’ve been dreaming of. why are so many japanese visual novel greats written with hyper specific locations, weather, net slang, family relations? it doesn’t disturb the game presentation, it adds to it. the designs are just so perfectly a cross between a game design and someone one could meet…more waiter please. or stop here because I feel like I’ve been satisfied (JUST KIDDING!!! WAITER?) 

i smell new england in that lake. 

if i were a bit younger this would have already been a nuclear bomb but I’ll also give this the best praise I can: listing what would have turned this from impressive to a total nuke for me… for ME PERSONALLY OK because I would easily take in more of it (I got consent to write this in public ok)

  • room to breathe. i somewhat understand why anita stuck around right away, and there’s no lulling the reader into a false sense of security with this design … well, maybe there is. I could have been distracted by a “hurt girls comfort each other in a cruel world” bent, or by spending some more time with sunny coaxing her into trust, like a scared animal…maybe a sprained ankle, maybe an argument with her parents on the phone, or maybe even just some longer conversations where sunny doubles down on that manipulation tactic where they tell you personal things so that you feel a sense of obligation.
  • more of a drip filter on sunny’s internal thoughts, especially at the outset. the face she made while anita was on the phone was fantastic and said more than an essay coul. I’d love to watch her washing the dishes and guess at what she’s thinking. 
  • conversely…maybe more time in anita’s head? more time spiraling down the logical puzzle of how to live a life free from sin? more time reading other people’s callout docs…making the cases for and against each thing she feels drawn to…ive never written fanfiction but if i did i’d be in there

nice work brave mado. get some rest. or ride the high whatever i’m not the police. do something nice for yourself! 

thank you ALTER, your comments and critiques are amazing as always! \o/ 

SPOILERS

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yes, i really went hard with the sound design and poses/expressions here... the latter is my strong point, so i wanted to use that to its fullest here, with microexpressions and poses galore. the former, i'm very proud of too. especially the scene where sunny dives into the lake. the smoothness of the sound transitions... it's nice. smiles.

> i smell new england in that lake.

you hit the nail right on the head. all of the places i mentioned are real places in maine.

> every chance I get I say “I want to see writing from people’s niche experiences” and this is one of the hyperspecific drills I’ve been dreaming of. why are so many japanese visual novel greats written with hyper specific locations, weather, net slang, family relations? it doesn’t disturb the game presentation, it adds to it. the designs are just so perfectly a cross between a game design and someone one could meet…more waiter please. or stop here because I feel like I’ve been satisfied (JUST KIDDING!!! WAITER?) 

YES exactly!!!! the more hyperspecific a vn gets the better it is... first JVNs that came to mind for me (under these criteria) are higurashi and hollow ataraxia. i also love your comment on my character designs... that was also the intent. sunny and anita are people you could feasibly meet — but they do have a bit of that OTT-ness to their designs as well.

>  i also laughed when the concept of “toxic yuri about wholesome yuri” unfolded. direct references to media - awesome. directly pulling from literature- awesome. directly making a media about opinions about media - awesome.

its yuriception baybeeeeee LOL.... the direct references were intentional in this case. i mentioned to another commenter that it was like ikuhara's intentional references in penguindrum, so soon after they happened. "the scars have to stay as scars" etc. 

onto the crits! (tldr: i agree with all of them)

if i had more time, i would've loved to go into sunny's and anita's headspaces more... give them 1-2 more scenes each, or something. the dishwasher idea is fantastic... sunny mulling to herself as she does anita's chores. more of sunny's healing exercises but from anita's POV versus sunny's... towards the end of writing i did find myself wanting to play in their heads a little more.  also YES i would've loved to make the buildup — the calm before the storm — longer too. presenting sunny as a safe person for anita and them comforting each other before sunny's uglier traits start to surface. they are fun toys for me to play with. 

thank you once again for the kind words! i took a rest day today to play some games and chill, and i went out for pizza and ice cream with my twin yesterday :> it was lovely...