As I see it, Lunar Folly succeeds in many ways. Structurally and audiovisually sound, this game offers a surprisingly complete experience for a game jam entry. Still, there were a handful of issues that kept it from being great, in my opinion.
For one, the way the characters speak is a little too modern for a medieval fantasy setting. Most of the time, this aspect is pretty easy to ignore, but a certain point, the MC describes feeling as if he was "hit by a bus," which bothered me greatly.
Other than that, the games suffers from what I see as a pacing issue, which manifested in to main forms for me. Firstly, the story starts at a pretty odd point — not really in media res, but two seconds before something major happens. This left a great deal of the start of the story catching up to the plot, establishing stakes after they were first relevant. The second issue with the pacing happens at the end. There, a proper resolution to the story's external conflicts is sacrificed for the sake of tying up internal conflicts and a sex scene. It doesn't help that, for the former, the solution was having the same conversation twice in a row but with different characters.
That said, the most pervasive issue in this project, as I see it, is a sense of heavy-handedness towards its themes. I think the parallels to real life are solid, but the way the VN presents them often makes characters chatterboxes for the writers. Sometimes, characters seem to just parrot ideas rather than coming off as if they arrived at them naturally.
Nevertheless, Lunar Folly is still a pretty good time. It looks great, the music choices were pretty fitting, and (despite the above) the writing works most of the time.