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All right! I gave myself: 'weekend treat' and read Pt2 (before getting back to werk) - doing a separate post since I have quite a bit!

Gaaaaawwwd - why am I so - - GAY for Izzie?!? Every time she SPEAKS, I am BEAMING
Izzie, it is PRIDE: COUPLE WITH MEEEEEEHHH XD Particularly loved her banter with Scarlette in the game - they have such fun vibes~ "I know, and I'm very patiently waiting for that to change." <— SAME.

(also - not me getting JEALOUS every time Iz - LOOKS AT THEOOOO) No lie, I thought-whinned: ‘Look at MEEEEEE, Izzieeeeee’ XD — AND THEN, SHE DID, AND I - LOST MY SH** 🤣Can't help but wonder if Izzie ever looks at MC when they’re having a moment with who they're coupled with - and has regrets? 

Izzie screaming out of the way: I also found it really interesting how Mattie truly closed up during the game(almost - surprisingly so); how often she didn’t say anything when going through the different choices. How much she chose to keep. There's nothing wrong with that, oc; but as you said: It's telling.

Honestly - all the banter is so good/witty(it’s not easy writing group scenes and - catching all the things/making everyone feel involved in their own meaningful way!). I don’t watch TV - and esp not reality TV, but I feel like I would if the cast came off as intelligently/chemistry as this!

"Never have I ever," you say, "broken up with someone I actually liked because I got scared." <— Loved this one (and CHOSE IT); what a Great freakin question(w/ - equally fab result~)

Also - awww: The threesome question got scrapped (I loved that one XD)
On that note - while I liked all the questions MC could potentially ask, I kinda missed the more fun versions you could do before -- like faking an orgasm. There is body count one — which does what I was looking for in its own specific way - divert and lighten the mood - but it felt like the only one in a sea of HEAVY.

(Something I wondered throughout playing the game: If we got the ‘you don’t drink - but you SHOULD' option; does that mean any of the others lied/didn’t drink when they should have? 👀🧐)

Slightly on that note: Can we get an option that determines what we’re drinking? I think being vague/open about it - outside of a drinking game - is fine, but when in one, having a ‘you’re drinking whatever you’re drinking’ a few times, just feels - odd. I’d want a proper option my MC chose (and to know the consequences from it - i.e. water vs. whiskey)

Reading-wise, as a critique: I would say - try to watch how many times the ROs do a specific action (like: Noah with the can on his knee or Amber looking at the garden through the glass doors) As the reader, I appreciate repetition: It shows that that movement is important/contextual clue. But if I see it too much, it’s diminishing returns. It loses its power. Show us other ways of those characters doing small somethings that - gives things away about them.

And finally, a few screenies for things I found:


This was another repetition thing: 'someone refills a glass' was used a LOT during this part. I'll give it to you that it would happen quite a bit given the circumstances, but again - finding new ways to say the same thing would be appreciated here.


It feels like you're mentioning Izzie drinking twice here (unless the first mention is just her picking up the glass, but not drinking? If so, I would just add that for clarity.)

Hope this helps~ 

(+1)

Thank you so much for this, genuinely! Okay let me go through it.

The Izzie thing: you’re right and I’m fixing it. The first mention is her picking up the glass not drinking, but that’s clearly not reading that way.

The ‘someone refills a glass’ repetition: noted and fair. I’ll be more conscious of it going forward, I’m not going back to edit ch2 but it’s a good habit note for ch3 and beyond.

The Noah/Amber specific actions thing: also fair, and something I’ll keep an eye on. Again, not going back, but I hear you.

The drink option: I thought about it! The reason I didn’t is that by the end of chapter 2 there are already a LOT of choices and I wasn’t going to do much with a specific drink selection anyway. Also, non-alcoholic drinkers weren’t choosing between alcohol and water, there were non-alcoholic ciders and wines available too, so it’s not as binary as it might seem. Either way, there will be a mention in chapter 3 of dinner giving drinkers a chance to sober up before the evening, so it’s not just dropped. (For reference: only Anwar and Mattie weren’t drinking if your MC was, everyone else had something.)

The threesome question: it got scrapped for this chapter but it will be back later.

And the ‘you don’t drink but you should’ option 👀 You’ll find out.

Thank you for following my IF~ 🥲🫂