The relationship dialogue between the two characters, particularly. Mimi already comes off as very controlling, and the relationship isn't healthy. I felt after the first day, I was wondering more about what Mimi was thinking internally, rather than what Domo had to say/her calling Mimi repeatedly.
I feel for a game this short, internal character struggle rather than external may help the story land for more people.
Mind you, I am not familiar with game jams yet, and I have only done long-term projects, so please take my recommendations with a grain of salt!