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The relationship dialogue between the two characters, particularly.   Mimi already comes off as very controlling, and the relationship isn't healthy.  I felt after the first day, I was wondering more about what Mimi was thinking internally, rather than what Domo had to say/her calling Mimi repeatedly.  

I feel for a game this short, internal character struggle rather than external may help the story land for more people.  

Mind you,  I am not familiar with game jams yet, and I have only done long-term projects, so please take my recommendations with a grain of salt! 

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hmm to be fair since everything domo is saying is from mimi's thoughts i guess that's a window in? i think the point is also that mimi should present as narcissistic (but you don't realize that until later) and basically says whatever she thinks. i sometimes like wondering what a character's thinking instead of knowing it, but i also find writing internal character struggle tougher since what i write feels more cringe to me sometimes :P

and yeah, the whole story & writing (6000+ words) was done in 72 hours, mostly by nii (who did all the art except minigame stuff) and myself (who did the rest of the art + almost all the programming) so :') many places we could've refined but i think it was pretty good for the time limit. lots of kudos to you though, i tend to lose motivation for longer projects haha