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(+1)

Well, if nothing else I can say I deeply identify with this story in the sense that I also have a black cat that bosses me around and tells me what to do. He's never put me in a magical death game before, but it's only a matter of time, really.

Like any jam entries that are submitted incomplete, this one's a bit tough to evaluate, especially when we have to rate it against stories that are finished, self-contained pieces. What's there is an interesting start, but it could really use some polish to take it to the next level. Breaking things down further:

Implementation of Theme:

I'm being pretty lenient with this category across the board, I think. Yeah, I've definitely seen a couple entries so far that take the "folklore" theme a bit further than this, but the sketchy witch notebook is close enough for me. I'll allow it, no real complaints from me here. 

Story:

As mentioned, it's tough to really rate this since right now the actual plot is basically just an intro. The current build cuts off pretty much right after the inciting incident (i.e., the completed ritual) so there's not much room to judge theme, plot, or characters because most of that stuff hasn't had a chance to happen yet. The premise could be interesting, but it really depends on how well the deception game is executed. 

Characters get more development than other components of the story, but even then it's a bit thin to this point. The cast so far has something of MCU syndrome, where every character is constantly rattling off quips and jabs and it's hard to really distinguish their personalities from each other. You touched on the intended differences between Marcus and Luiz in your discussion with passiv_boi below, but so far, I don't really see much of it either. There's definitely a love triangle being set up (that really seems to take the forefront more than anything else, really), and Marcus does get more of the spotlight between the classroom rescue and the Umbrella Scene (TM), but ultimately these two still kind of feel like equally eligible, supportive, wolf husbandos. One of them is probably the witch but we'll cross that bridge when we get there I suppose.

The other thing I'd want to focus on going forward is nailing the tone for this project. As alluded to above, most of the game so far is kind of a zinger parade, and while the jokes themselves were hit or miss for me, the general ambience never felt particularly oppressive, with the very notable exception of the classroom chalk excursion, which felt legitimately tense. Going forward, I'm not sure if this intends to lean more into horror/thriller territory or stay lighthearted the whole way through. You can have both, but it's a delicate balance with the risk of either side greatly overshadowing the other. 

Writing:

You mention below that English isn't your first language, and, yeah, unfortunately it kinda shows in this draft. That's to take nothing away from the effort - if I tried to write fiction in my second language it would be an unmitigated disaster so I'm always super impressed with what non-native English speakers are able to produce, especially on short timelines. 

Lots of mechanical issues throughout though - spelling, punctuation, grammar, etc. Most of it didn't inhibit my understanding of what you were going for, but there were a few moments where I was legitimately confused. At first I wasn't sure if they were breaking into their own school or somewhere else, and some lines like "Are you copying or something?" I struggled to follow (were you going for "coping" maybe?). If you can snag one, I think this project would really benefit from an editor to come through and clean up the language.

Presentation:

Bit of a mixed bag on this one. I generally liked the sounds - music was used sparingly, but the choices when and when not to use BGM felt intentional and not arbitrary, and the window knocking sound effect was suitably eerie for the moment. There was one random sigh SFX that felt awkward and out of place though. 

As far as visuals go, it's cool that you're providing all your own assets, and while the sprites may not be as polished as some other artists', I'll look at pretty much anything with fur and a tail so I can roll with it. That said, one thing that does really stand out to me is that the variations in sprite expressions are minimal - like every character has at least 4 variations but most of them look almost exactly the same (Jane is especially guilty of this). Passiv_boi mentioned this below as well, but I find it interesting that the cat has multiple expressions as well - even just opening the PNGs from the game files I kinda need to squint to see the differences, and that issue is further exacerbated by how small their sprite is in-game. This kind of stuff isn't game-breaking by any means, but like much of the rest of the build there's a level of polish that separates this project from the top tier. 

Creativity:

This is another category that's difficult to assess at time of writing. The individual components of this game aren't particularly new or innovative - occult rituals are a dime a dozen, spooky schools have been done in like 50% of anime, and while I have a black cat and will always support their shameless incorporation in media, "talking witch-related black cat" has been a trope since Sabrina in the 90s. The real test of how original and creative this project is happens after the game is afoot, and we're not really there yet. So... TBD, I guess.

I know there was a lot of feedback above, but I really do hope you stick with it. It's always tough putting something together and getting it out to the public, but I'd like to see where this goes.

Overall rating of 666 Salems out of 13 Amanojakus.

(+1)

Hello, thank you a lot for leaving your review for my game!

I'm always happy to hear feedback from people.

Cutting vn short was indeed a tough decision, but the one I had to make to fit into the jam's deadline.

ART: 

I'm going to redraw all my sprites into more polished versions and give each character at least 2-3 poses to make them impactful. 

Writing:

My plan is mostly to polish it as much as I can. I'll use reverse translation, grammar checkers, context reverso, etc., to find spots that may leave some readers confused, 

The story:

The story is supposed to go from lighthearted to a darker tone with time.

One of my ideas is also to rewrite several dialogues and add 2-3 scenes in the prologue to define my characters better.

Their friendship dynamic is indeed leaning too much into humor right now.

Shared sense of humor is one of the most common ways for people to connect. At the moment, I thought that it would help readers to believe in their friendship. It wasn't a bad idea at its core, but I leaned too much into it, and now the story lacks elements that would show their differences.

Thank you again for your critique. I'll try my best to learn from it and become better as an author.

Take care!

Always love getting detailed responses from devs on comments, so thanks!

I do want to touch on one thing you mentioned in your response though - I don't think showing friendship through humor is a bad idea, and I don't think the humor was ineffective in that capacity either (mileage and personal taste can vary judging by another comment disagreeing with this assessment). However, the more important thing I was trying to get at was developing your characters as individuals as well as part of the collective. I think you got that, but I just didn't want the takeaway to be like, no more banter ever or something.

The rest seems like a good plan of attack going forward though and I hope that all works out for you :)