I think that was a very mature decision regarding 'verbose'-ness of character intros/MC reads. I personally loved them -- I love how observant the MC comes across; was a delight each time they clocked a subtle cue. But I can absolutely agree it did, at times, get repetitive. Interested in re-playing to see how your edits change things.
Never Have I Ever!! (I remember that lol) It was quite illuminating/fun in the previous version, so looking forward -- esp since you got so many good suggestions for rounds~
May seemed to be a really good month, so - here's hoping June's just as fruitful for you/this IF! (It's also, literally, beginning of Summer, so that has to be some karmic/good vibes default ;))
The edits have been out for I think about two weeks now, I did announce it on tumblr and no one has commented about how successful I was despite people being willing to tell me it was repetitive, but I also know it’s not enough of an edit to make it worth replaying as nothing has technically changed in regards of the content other than tightening it up.
So I’m hoping I was successful, and you’re more than welcome to be honest with me about any critique you have in future because I cannot improve this without the input, if that makes sense
I appreciate that - re: critiques! But like I wrote: I genuinely didn't have so big an issue with it that I thought it warranted bringing up; but if others (clearly) did, then that's their opinion and valid too. But, I do think at the end of the day: It's Your story. You should have final say on what you think should change and what truly warrants it being 'for the better'.
I will def re-read now that I know (honestly not big on/super active with socials) and happily share my opinion if you like. As for the others: it could be wanting to wait until the next update is finished to restart. Now that it's announced here, maybe more will do the same.
All right! Just finished re-read - this is what I got:
I definitely noticed you trimmed the fat with the interactions/each intro — and you’re right: Nothing significant was lost. It reads very smooth; the pacing matches that of a conversation happening with continuously added people. You nailed it.
I would ‘say’ if you’re conscious against too much repetition, the words ‘fractional’ and ‘recalibrate’ (or versions of it) are used quite often describing each ROs reactions. It’s not taking away anything; I like both words and how you use them - - but if you want to give yourself a fun challenge, you could find synonyms that hit the same way (or - different, but beautifully so).
A few in-game things I found:
(the slashes around "Please")
You use Mattie's name before she's introduced herself; it felt omnipotent in a way I didn't feel with the others.
I noticed Mattie did a very similar thing to Scarlette’s bit, during her intro - the not-quite-smirk, the barely there drink tip — is that intentional? (i.e. I wouldn’t mind seeing something more unique/just for her.)
Hopefully that's helpful~ Great job, again!
1 hour ago(+1)
Yes, the edits were definitely fat trimming more than anything, I know it was a 30k removal but that’s still significant.
The slashes around the please were supposed to be two so it turns into italics, so I’ll fix that soon. The ‘recalibrate’ has received a partial edit but at 400k, I’ve got to take it section by section (I’m also working on the ‘rather than’ thing because I’ve used that about 900 times in a 400k chapter and that is just too much, same for the word ‘settle’ - I’ve done up to Anwar’s scene and no further), I’ll fix the Mattie intro when I do the please, and I’ll have a look at the scene that’s similar to Scarlette’s to see if I feel right changing it.
Thank you so much for this!
You're very welcome!
And - fair enough re: 'rather than' + 'settle'. Keep in mind, though - out of those 400K words, unless you have them back-to-back, right after each other, I'm not really noticing it. Sometimes: you just gotta use the word you wanna use. Not saying you shouldn't look to trim if you can, but it's also easy to get kinda - obsessed over it and then you're missing forest for trees.
TL;DR: You're doing Great, sweetie 😂