There's a lot of not-quite-neccesary additions that would be ok in a longer story (the contents of the backpack and other short expositions) but here, just distracts from an otherwise straight foward recruitment story. Great idea, could just use some editing
Viewing post in Born from the ashes - ORP jam #14 jam comments
I get that. I've recently come across a book that changed my perspective on adding "meaningless details" to a novel. Even though this author's extra exposition didn't really contribute to a wider plot or reveal a whole lot of backstory (although it definitely did at times) the vivid details kind of made the whole story feel like a lucid dream somehow- which really fit with the otherworldly science themes.