The presentation is fantastic. It pairs really well with the way you've written the text. I really liked the brief adventure structure you've supplied. I think it's a great example for what's possible with the system. Most of the supplements I read while writing my entry focused less on the traditional "meat" of the adventure in favor of evocative world building (which is also nice), but I appreciate you giving some more focused direction on how to present the scenario to the players at the table. That's something that really helps new GM's and players.