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Nice demo, I’m just starting the journey but got some feedback.

Writing:

  • I liked the fact you can choose your archetype, past and ambitions via dialogues and thoughts, but my archetype didn’t seem to affect my dialogue in that first part. It did affect my inventory though, so I guess it wil be useful later.

UX:

  • When I was about to sleep, the icon showed my I would be left with 1 quarter of heart, but the next day I had half a heart. I guess the quarter of heart was just symbolic?

Misc typos:

  • if you decide not to get friend with the horse: “preseance” => “presence” (this one is easy to find with a spell-checker, the next ones are trickier)
  • “you’re not surprised to not be offered you any meal”
  • “The man looks uneasy. “They …” (wrong space placement)
  • “The Common Church often warn its member” => “members” I guess
  • “points a finger to the north west” => “North West”
  • just after, “the east” => “the East”

By the way, nice use of Ren’Py, if it wasn’t for the project structure and the menu, I wouldn’t have recognized it!

Thanks a lot! I'll take care of the typos right away. Just a question - when you were going to sleep, are you sure there was no minus sign nest to the icon of the heart? I've assumed it was clear that it meant "you will loose a quarter of a heart", and not "all you will be left with is a quarter of a heart". Maybe I should give this image a description in a text box if hovered. 

Ren'Py really makes working on the project so much easier, I'm grateful I can use it. : )

I don’t remember but yes, the minus sign would make sense, since I had 3/4 heart to start with so it would do the math. But I think it didn’t occur to me that symbols could be subtracted, unlike figures.

(usually I’d prefer a good old -2 HP, but you’d have to explain that 1 heart = 4 HP and that’s harder to follow)

Maybe the damage heart could be in a different color, as in Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire contests:

Or there could be a transition [heart before] -> [heart after] so there is no need for negative values.