itch.io

Thanks for your reply! ❤️

I understand that the story is in early stages, but still, a story needs some minor details just so the reader knows where the characters stand. I don't think it would overwhelm the reader. You just need to add some vague comments from the characters about the world from time to time, or internal monologues, so the reader slowly builds an image of the world as the story progresses. Just don't do an info dump.

I understand that you don't want to throw too much information at the player; in Hollow Knight or Blasphemous, the lore exists, but only for those who want to dig into it. However, those games have gameplay, so stopping the player to read lore can cut the immersion. But in a visual novel, the reading IS the gameplay.

I think the lack of worldbuilding is even more noticeable because of the way you are telling the story. In other visual novels you only see one paragraph at a time, just the character talking at the moment. But in your story I feel like I'm reading a book; many paragraphs at a time, and the way you describe what the characters are doing and saying feels very literary. This isn't bad, I actually like it, but it also made me expect the same level of detail as a book. Complementing that with the memorandum doesn't feel natural or organic given your storytelling style.

I'm not saying you have to rewrite the whole world from scratch. Some stories don't need deep worldbuilding, but sadly, yours does, and here's why: Resnick is a soldier, so just give me basic details about his position, his duties, the Order, what it means to be part of it. I'm not asking for complex politics or mysteries, just enough description to know where Resnick stands. Let me put it with an example from another visual novel.

I recently read In Finite Space, a novel well known for its detailed worldbuilding, but I'll focus only on the beginning; literally the first paragraphs, which introduce the main conflict, the threat of the plague, and the origin of the Union. Just that. With those few details I already have the foundation to start building my image of the world and place Corvan within it. And here's the thing, Corvan is also a soldier, just like Resnick. Yet from the very start I knew what he was fighting for, who he was fighting under, and what the world around him looked like. Then other details, like elements of the world or the characters' motives, flow naturally, complemented by Corvan's internal monologues.

I'll stop here. I hope your novel gets more attention. I know you'll find a way to integrate the world into the main plot naturally.