Didn't expect this novel to be so interesting. The characters are very funny, the mystery around the demon is great, I can't wait to see how Resnick's friends will react when they find out about it...
But there are somethings that bother me... Where is the worldbuilding? (v13)
We have the Order, the city, The Capital, The Outskirts... just that? If there is a capital, there must be a country or a kingdom. What is the name of that country?
Right now, the novel only focuses on the characters. The world just exists, but the characters don't feel like they're part of it. If the plot took place in modern times, we could fill the gaps with things we already know, but the story takes place in a medieval setting. I'll go part by part:
- If it's medieval, that means there should be a religion. It's hard to imagine a civilization without some kind of god or deity in a setting like that. I'll use Shelter as an example, since you have a crossover with that novel. In Shelter, they believe in mother earth, they have the belief that they are part of something bigger, that they are born from the flesh of the earth. In this novel they have honor and duty, but those values don't come from nowhere.
- Is the Dawnbreak Order the actual government or the total authority in that place? Is it some kind of military theocracy? At the moment, the novel doesn't mention any kind of authority other than the Lord Commander, who is currently the highest authority shown.
Edit___ The memorandum actually answers part of this: the Dawnbreak Order is the government. The Grand Marshall is the highest authority, and high-ranking soldiers are assigned as territorial rulers, Commander Arlington governs Heirdall on the Order's behalf. So yes, it is effectively a military theocracy. It would be nice if the novel made this clearer without having to dig into the memorandum. - Is the Order the actual police or army? Or was it created solely to fight the Red-eyes? They do patrols, but they seem mostly focused on chasing Red-eyes. It's not very clear what their actual purpose is. Are they the police, the judge, and the executor all at once? It kind of feels like just a witch hunt.
Edit_____ The memorandum clarifies that the Red-eyes are not just a cult, but organized savage tribes that were pushed back to the western marshes. That's actual geopolitics! But again, none of this comes through in the story itself. - Is there anything beyond the Outskirts apart of the marshes? The game doesn't mention any other country, as if the whole world is united, or as if nothing else exists. Why would they have an army if the only real threat is a group of cultists? Are they on a small continent or an island? A map with the most important locations would be greatly appreciated.
- The people in the novel are anthros, but they act... too human, or very similar to each other. I mean, they have physical differences, but they don't seem to have behaviors or mannerisms characteristic of their species. The only characters that show some level of mannerisms are the canines, they twitch their ears or wag their tails in response to emotions. Or at least Resnick does, because the other canines are too stoic (which fits their character roles, but makes them less expressive). I'll just quote the Overlord master of Shelter, Luke:
"What is the point of having different species in the story if everyone is human where it counts the most?!"
The novel is good, but the lack of worldbuilding is hard to ignore. Also the menu doesn't help, it's very slow and you can't properly navigate it to check the memorandum.