Man what a banger, perhaps my favorite submission taste-wise. I love the ambience, I just wish the mix wasn't so loud (why is there sidechain on the piano lol) and saturated (I read in the commments that the saturation was deliberate, but I really don't think it works, it really sounds like it was accidental). Otherwise it was really immersive, reading your story with this music made me want to play it as an actual game. And I'd be down to play if you ever do a game from it.
Now, melody-wise this track was lacking of a foreground melody, what I mean is that there isn't a mainline melody you could hum, but rather an ambient lead.
Melody clarity 4/5
Melody impact 2/5
Composition 5/5
Listenability 4/5
Correlation to theme 5/5