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(1 edit) (+1)

Took me a while to review because I wanted to explicitly set time for it. I got endings 4, 5, 6, 3, and, of course, 1 :) 

I consider writing to fall under art and as such it gets a 5 from me. And the gameplay of visual novels is more based on how the player interacts with the "software" to "play" it. There's nothing too crazy or unique about the choices, but there are a lot of choices and there are enough to always effectively reflect what the player might want to say through Yuki.

My only gripe with the game is that this doesn't really connect with the theme of Spring and the limitation is inherent to the medium of VN's so it doesn't do anything ""out of the box"" besides complete the loop in a seamless way vs. the player pressing "try again!"

This is a beautiful game. Considering all of this was made by you (besides all the lovely assets you credited!) it just makes this game so impressive to me. The music and the cut scenes especially stuck out to me. The music, idek how else to put it into words, is just... SO pretty. You wanted this game to be somber and emotional and you were able to communicate that very effectively through the visuals and music. This is not a "novice" piece of work. You've created art.

I want to specifically point out that the composition of the artworks were surprisingly excellent in the cutscenes. 

SPOILER WALL DO NOT READ UNTIL YOU PLAY thanks!

The writing isn't ground-breaking and that's okay! I can also there there's not "full" confidence in the English. Although I haven't done much writing myself (yet 😈) and there will be culture differences (so my points might be invalid)... I'm gonna say a bunch of things anyway and you can ignore me if u wanna: I think my problems with the writing are summarized by when Itsuki says "What, do you still think about that? Just forget it. It's too late". That's not a very nuanced or even in-character response. He comes across as dismissive of her and all I was thinking was "huh why would he say it like that". There's no crazy stakes stressing him out. Now, if he was straight up angry at her for being outside (maybe he was exhausted from searching and it was frustrating him), that changes the tone and emotional weight entirely and makes the scene make far more sense, personally. But otherwise, he clearly supports Kiyomi and is just looking out for her, like in those flashbacks and based on what he said his reasons were (no point in trying when the world is ending--again, not a super nuanced way to think), and I can only imagine after finding her that he'd be happy with the first thing he'd being "I'm so glad I found you!" and not "Ugh, finally, I found you" like she was some sort of problem and not literally his family >_>

Okay I realized I could've said this in a far shorter way: To me it's contrived and/or two-dimensional. I felt that way a few times throughout the story with Kiyomi and Itsuki.  Let me know if you agree or not (hey u could message me on discord!)

Now with all that said, I still rated the art (aka the writing) at a 5/5 because I cannot stress enough  HOW AMAZING this VN is! And in 14 days! And with gorgeous music! I just wanted the above critiques to let you see my perspective as a vegetarian-poutine-eating Canadian who consumes media sometimes :^)

I'd love to see what you work on next!

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Wow! Thanks for taking time to play my game and write such a detailed response! There’s a lot to talk about here, so I’ll go over it topic by topic.

Yeah, I agreed that it doesn’t feel as spring-themed as other submissions, cause those themes just didn’t spring (heh) into my mind when I was making this game. I didn't do anything weird either, cause I’ve already done that with one of my previous game jams. This time, I just wanted to write a story and create a cinematic set piece.

Thank you for the kind words about my music! In fact, music is basically the main driving force that pushed me to create all these games. It’s what directs the theme of the game, what motivates me to finish it, and basically the core pillar of each game I made. This time, the core music of this game is One Last Day (Last 4 Days in Heiwa City OST) - Pseudoku. The song is peaceful but somber. That sets the tone for the whole game to be that way and not cheerful or comfy like other spring games. The reason I use this song is because I just happened to create it and wanted to use it right now lol.

Also thank you for the kind words about my art! I’m still pretty new to this compared to making music, but I tried my best and used a minimal art style to match my skill level and also save development time. I don’t have enough time and skill to create beautiful CG backgrounds like most VNs.

About the writing (for those who haven't played the game yet, there will be SPOILER, please skip if you haven’t played yet.)

Yeah, English is not my native language, in fact, it’s quite far from my native language, but I try to write the whole thing anyway as a practice. I did try to write long descriptive prose in my script, but to be honest, I actually prefer scripts that are more direct and on point (like in your game). For the Itsuki part, thank you for approaching this in a respectful way. I’m not sure either if it’s just a cultural thing or my personal experience. I know it feels quite strange that he (and the rest of the family) suddenly changed their attitude when she mentioned that she’s going to chase her dream. Maybe it’s because the story showed how much caring and ā€œchadnessā€ Itsuki had before the meteor thing, but the thing is, I won’t go into too much detail and I’m not even sure if I should discuss this part, you can ignore it, but basically, I... did know some people out there who can be loving, caring, and stuff, but the very moment you mentioned something that goes against their belief, their stance changed suddenly, like what you see in the story about how dismissive Itsuki become, cause it’s not just him, the whole family had that belief, so (according to the family) Kiyomi is actually the outlier here. I still tried to write the story in a way that it can have a happy ending, though. About the theme of ā€œletting goā€, it's inspired by a story of a certain award winning game that I can't name because it would be a major spoiler. But I also did have some personal experience with that theme and the story shows it. For the 2 dimensional writing, yes, it’s 2 dimensional, because I try to keep the story simple. I wanted to focus more on the cinematic and emotional story telling with music rolling in the background. Otherwise, the Mom and Dad would have their own point of view, too, and the story would be too complex for me to manage, especially within 14 days. In other words, I want to write something that’s simple enough for me to handle lol. Just my preference, though. The first draft of the story was even worse. The sibling would meet in front of the school, have a quarrel, walk off from each other, the mc sees it, talk to each one of them, and then it’s climax, happy ending! lol.

Still, really, thanks for all the kind words and feedback you gave! Visual Novels basically live or die on their story (and maybe, presentation, too), so the feedback about it is really important. Really glad you gave such a detailed response!

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Oo that really explains a lot actually! And I'm glad you put so much time into your response,

Now that you've clarified the focus on this game specifically, it's clear what your goal was. And I can say wholeheartedly you completely succeeded in those goals. The presentation was amazing.

Also yes, fleshing out the characters, giving them depth and including the family, would've made the script jumbo long so it's good you didn't go that far for just a jam :^) I was simply critiquing the game outside the context of the jam as someone who wasn't inside your mind while writing. Knowing that you knew the writing felt 2D too but couldn't get to it because of time... that checks out šŸ‘

>  I... did know some people out there who can be loving, caring, and stuff, but the very moment you mentioned something that goes against their belief, their stance changed suddenly, like what you see in the story about how dismissive Itsuki become, cause it’s not just him, the whole family had that belief, so (according to the family) Kiyomi is actually the outlier here.

Me too; I know people who when I bring up certain topics, they become completely defensive about it like they are a different person. It's a totally different theme that actually I want to explore in my writing at some point in depth. That same characteristic wasn't communicated enough for me to register that in Itsuki but pulling that off woulda been extra style points in a 2-week jam >:) And yeah it would explain Itsuki's behaviour very well esp. when family is involved.

You put a lot of thought into this VN