itch.io

What you've managed to convey in 20 pages is really good. 

The characters are so good. I especially love the creativity in their abilities (Sharing is Caring, Transmutation, Smoke Trail, Golf Caddy, Fingerguns, and Foresight are all such good additions to the characters). 

I like the structure of the adventure. I agree with the comment below about rewriting some objective descriptions. I do wish there were maybe some more optional or side objectives (like stealing the UFO in Act 2 & Saving the Alien in Act 2), but that's something that can be thrown in on the fly by a GM. I'd maybe try to build them, so they're available during any scene in an act and maybe even repeatable, that way they feel reflective of a Detective processing disparate clues learned in different spots, rather than specifically and exclusively tied to a single location. 

• Act 1 side objectives could expand on the "build a profile" and "what do the police know" objectives in Act 1 with more details. Example below:
  • (Repeating Objective) Build a list of people who had frequent interractions with the victim. 3 successes. Roll 1d6 or pick one each time this objective is completed. Maximum of 3-5 potential suspects
    • 1-2 players learn that just the other day at the grocery store, the local librarian publicly berated the victim for overdue library books (pushes players to the library potentially)
    • 3-4 players learn the name of a red herring. A coworker or someone from the victim's personal life who held a public grudge against them (limit 2 times) 
    • 5-6 players learn the names of a stooge who visited or called the victim's home in the days before their death. The interactions were short and tense. (These were stooges from the cult who were threatening the victim) (limit 2 times) If the players get this reward at least once, they recognize the stooge at the cult meeting in Act 3. 
• Act 2 side objectives could revolve around vetting alibies from red herrings and narrowing down connections between the cult members that the party has identified so far
  • (Repeating Objective) Vet an Alibi (5 successes)
    • One red herring says they were at the UFO trinket shop at the time of the murder and the owner could validate it. 
    • One red herring says they took their family to the Roswell Museum on the night of the murder. They lost their ticket stubs, but they had willcall tickets and the people at the counter should still have their name on a list somewhere
    • One red herring says they were out to eat celebrating an anniversary at the extra terrestrial diner and the waitress who always serves them was working that night and should be able to confirm they were there
    • One person who is involved with the cult but didn't commit the murder says they were up at the old radio tower after they got a call to fix something. They're sending the party up to get trapped. 
• Act 3 side objectives could revolve around taking out cult leaders permanently to stop the evil once and for all. The town hall and police station are key targets, but they've learned the names of lots of stooges who need to be dealt with
  • (Repeating Objective) Deal with a Cult Stooge (5 successes)

I do think that maybe the cops/men in black are slightly overused as the adversaries. I'd like to see a little more variety here, especially in ways that a gumshoe can deal with without direct violence. Some ideas:

• Victim's home already mentions nosey neighbors. Maybe rather than active cops at the scene when they get there. It's a nosey neighbor who will call the cops if they don't leave immediately. Maybe that's a side objective.
• I love the idea that the town librarian is in the cult and actively tries to misdirect the players during their search of the town records. She'll send them down the wrong path unless they deal with her. 
• The mortician is not just going to let the party look at the body while they're in the morgue. Someone needs to get rid of him. 
• Tourists who keep getting in the way of the party at the trinket shop, diner and museum while they're trying to look around and interrogate leads
• Cult members seem like a pretty clear choice. It seems heavily implied that most of the cops are in the cult, which is great, but I also think there should be other cult members just acting as nuisances. This is also a great place to source side objectives. 

I also think there's a bit of heavy lifting on the GM/Players part in terms of identifying and naming interesting characters to act as the Victim, Suspect, Red Herrings, Witnesses, etc. I think it's good you left that vague, but I do sort of wish it was addressed in the text at the beginning to let a GM know that they should try to have a list of names handy. In the same vein, I do sort of wish there was a very simple map with the objective locations and maybe some others thrown in to allow for players to come up with creative solutions. 

It feels like progressing through the adventure can go one of two ways. With a very invested group and a good GM, the players do a lot of the leading (as Havoc Engine recommends) and they start identifying locations they want to go to. The GM then is maybe dropping hints/breadcrumbs to the locations the objectives take place at or just picking up objectives from the text and dropping them into the places the players actually choose to go. With maybe a less invested group or an inexperienced GM, I worry that maybe the GM just runs through the areas like a checklist and the narrative doesn't really string together between them very well. I think that's what the side objectives that I have above could help with. Give the players freedom to roam and plot hooks to pull them back to where the story is taking place. 

Sorry for the novel. I really like this submission!