This is a fun one.
I love the dynamism added by the role mechanic. I can imagine playing this mission several times and being delighted each and every time by the different versions of the characters presented in each game. It's a very elegant way to not only add suspense, but to increase the variability of each game. Great choice.
Your descriptions are excellent. They give so much while leaving so much more to the imagination. A fantastic foundation for any GM to build on. I love the way you describe your characters. Brief but effective.
You do an excellent job of making the mission feel like an action movie. Just reading it gets my blood pumping. There's something to be said for presentation—you do a good job with it. You have a great sense of tension, pacing, and narrative flow.
Layout work is good. It's clear that you do this in a professional capacity. You could certainly delve into some more experimental territory if you wanted to, but I don't think you need to. You clearly have a solid grasp on what you're making and the layout is effective at conveying information and providing just enough visual intrigue to break things up. Doesn't necessarily speak to me, but that's okay.
The photos included do speak to me. The way you've edited them is really cool looking, and they give just enough of a visual reference to imagine what these scenes look like without being overbearing.
I adore the goofiness of Act 2's encounters. Really fun way to break the tension.
Some might call it anticlimactic, but I actually really like the way you set up the aftermath of the final decision. It really effectively highlights the thematic tension at the center of a narrative in the way an inevitable fight wouldn't. It's a good artistic choice.
Great mission. Good storytelling. Looking forward to running this one sometime.