Lovingly designed track - it really feels like you intended a story and wrote each section with clear intent in mind! once the track picks up and the mechanical drums and percussion are introduced, I became a much bigger fan of it. Love that you made your own sfx for it as well, I just think they're a tiiiiny bit too loud at the end of the mix.
I've been told (and have yet to try) leaving your headphones on the desk or listening to them at a low volume to hear what the loudest sound come through from a distance. Sometimes it helps the ear blindness during jam writing, and I think this track may benefit from that as well.