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This story brought to mind a number of properties.  The way the Conductor acted and eventually warped into this monstrous form reminded me of Coraline.  The way everything has this nonsensical structure made me think of the ENA videos/game.  And there was a strong resemblance to the indie horror series “The Deep Sleep Trilogy”.  It’s a very compelling premise, having a woman in a deadly dreamscape and finding a companion.

It was hard at times to follow the story due to the grammar and spelling: capitalized letters when they weren’t needed, complete sentences, etc.  

The characters in the story don’t act too concerned overall in the story until things start ramping up.  I wasn’t sure if that was because they were trapped in a dream and thus would be affected by it.  I would have liked to find out more about Josie and Cassie as they roamed the train.

This feels like a story that would be really cool to watch visually: with shifting environments and fantastical art style quirks.  It was easy to visualize, and it was an interesting approach to horror.  Traveling via a dream train is a really cool idea, but at the same time, not too much travel-based storytelling happens.  It would have been really cool to have the destination the train is heading to be described and shown, even if the characters escape before reaching it.

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Thank you for reading my story! I really apperciate the feedback and criticism you've given to it, I don't really get much of that for my stories so it's great when someone does post something like this so I can improve on my work. 


Once the Jam ends I'm planning to do some edits for it so I'll take what you said in mind.

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Glad the criticisms are taken to heart.  I try to be as even-handed as I can be with stuff like that, but it's 100% from a place of investment.  Want to see the best version of what people can make.