I played Mirach’s Ghost as well when it came out. If you remember, you and I both submitted VNs to that game jam!
That explanation makes sense. When I played it, that idea about Jordan sticking to her schedule didn’t fully come across to me in that ending, so I think a little more emphasis on that might help players pick up on it.
From what I remember from Mirach’s Ghost, I would say that your writing and pacing has improved a lot in this one, so good job with that! I look forward to seeing what you create in future game jams!