and this is why i very much dislike self insert characters. it's impossible to match the personality and preferences of whoever is reading. the first dissonant trait the protagonist presents will break the immersion that should have never been there to begin with.
protagonists with a clear identity don't ever causes this kind of problem. even though asterion's appearance is customizable, no one ever complains about only having clothing options that don't suit the reader. it works because asterion is a well defined character, and the player can easily separate him from the self.
i recommend you learn to dissociate from the character, and, more importantly, to not get hung up on positional roles. that's a really toxic aspect of the gay community we should banish from our culture.