Maybe break some core information down to a bullet list to make it easier for visitors to understand the premise of your game in a single glance.
Also, and maybe this is just be, but this part feels a little belittling, which put me off:
It has a deep story and a lot of implicit details so pay attention.
Also, eight months isn't that much time if this is your second game. You're still learning, and this takes time itself. Keep it up! Keep improving your work and your skills. You're doing fantastic already if this is one of your earliest efforts!