Post by Patty.Coax in The Advisor's Game comments

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Uhm, yea, but this needs a lot of polishing. :v

Smoother transitions, more reasonable explanations, a better match of the environment and the behaviour of characters. I don't mean to offend, but this is very clearly not thought through properly and I was tempted to close my browser tab at the point of being hired as a Royal Advisor off the street...excuse me, but like, what? XD Why? Do these people WANT to be assassinated? Just write that we have a contact in the court already, who enjoys the trust of one of the royals, and they make sure we get in

—jester (they/he)24 days ago (2 edits) (+1)

I'm well aware. I will assume you haven't got tumblr, and it's my fault for not posting a devlog here for the people who don't, but this game is on indefinite "I'm working as slow as physically possible on a rehaul without being on hiatus", since I'm putting all my attention into Parasitic instead.

To briefly cover your comments anyway - it does actually have a full plan that makes logical sense, just not as an IF. This was my second IF after a two year break, as well as my first IF working on it totally alone, so trying to wedge an MC into a space that didn't actually exist before was possibly not my brightest idea. Especially because I was concerned people would throw a bitchfit if I didn't give them enough customisation choices.

In terms of 'being hired off the street', in the politest way possible, it isn't supposed to be that simple or stupid. I may have been a new writer but even I can fill a plothole that large - whichever stat you choose at the beginning to be your strongest is the reason you get hired. Once the old advisor is removed however you choose to do that, then the Royal family open applications, you apply with a background that passes their vetting (because if you didn't have one you would've been caught out long before this for being a contract killer), then you get to be hired.

It's a vaguely typical, vaguely tedious, job application process which I chose not to include because it wouldn't have been particularly interesting to read and I half assumed people would realise there was a process and not just go "lol I walk in off the street and get a job". Maybe that was my bad.

Patty.Coax24 days ago (1 edit) (-4)

Of course, I can only react to what I read. If it doesn't make sense without parts that are not present or without parts which don't exist yet, then...I don't feel like that's my responsibility? :v *pointing finger slowly at ya'*

Being hired! into a position like that through a "job application process" is, omg, how to put this nicely... - I'm sorry, I'm known to be blunt. - Uh, nonsense? Unrealistic and opposing everything one may or may not know about the dynamics of power, control and frankly just humans in general. I'm rather surprised you're trying to defend it at all - it wouldn't happen in the most meritocratic of made up societies. Because people are still people and politics is still politics.

ROYAL. ADVISOR. Consider these words for a minute. You think sb. is being "hired" to be an advisor/whatever of Charles III?

Yea, exactly. And he's not even from a medieval/-ish society.

You'd need to be chosen. Hand picked. And you'd have many competent competitors for such a coveted position. (Once upon a time, the Conservative Party opened their arms wide for candidates who never participated in politics before. They got 4000 applicants. And in the end, 4 were chosen. Who were, ultimately, very much like the career politicians they already had...)

You would need real, not made up connections in high-society, years of advisory experience, immense trust from at least part of the court and at least one of the royals already. You'd need to be present for a substantial amount of time before all this. You'd never get in as an outsider, never! It's like trying for the top of academia without any formal education. Come on, man.

Look, at the end of the day, this is not my circus, not my monkeys. But I do recognize a hot mess when I see one and I'd rather not waste my time on messy drafts :v

Edit: Remembered the wrong party and higher numbers, but still

One last thing: write what you know

ragingstorm200224 days ago(+3)

There are nicer ways to say things. Think about how your criticism comes across in tone when you give it. This sounds intentionally mean and obnoxious. People write what ever they want to write and don’t have to write what they know because writing is done in free will. While feedback can be good you weren’t asked to give your unsolicited opinion on what this author should write. It seems you just wanted to flex your history knowledge. This would’ve been helpful if you weren’t so unkind about it.

If you can’t say your criticism with better tact perhaps trying working on that.

—jester (they/he)24 days ago(+2)

You're looking too closely at real history here, I think. This isn't a realistic historical depiction - it's set in a (semi?) high fantasy universe/world of my own making so...yeah? It's not going to follow that? Candidates are screened, then interviewed by staff, then background checked more thoroughly, then interviewed again, then a third time, then their possessions are removed from them and they are presented entirely new clothes (i.e. the uniform) then they're allowed into the throne room with a guard escort. As I said: a long, tedious process that I didn't think people would want to read through, regardless of how accurate it is to one (or more) real life cultures.

To clarify: this is absolutely a mess. I'm grateful to the people who did like it, but I am the first to admit to anyone who asks that this isn't my finest work and I don't like how I was progressing it. But I would say that because of pacing issues, mischaracterisation in places, and way too many choices forced into places they don't need to be.

You have every right to not like it. To be as blunt as you were, since that seems to just be better in this scenario, I really don't care either way. Your initial comment did point out some things I would absolutely want to fix, but you also littered it with unnecessary snark that felt a lot like it was just aimed to mock me. Your criticisms are mostly valid, I would go so far as to agree, but the way you're pointing them out is pretentious and more than a little rude I think.

You clearly enjoy a more historically accurate read, which this is not and will never be, and the fact that you apparently forced yourself to read through it (which is absolutely a you problem, I didn't have a gun to your head, even if I appreciate the commitment to the attempt at the end of the day) just to tell me in far too many words that it was dogshit and you regretted it? It just feels...unnecessary. Even a simple "this wasn't for me and it needs a lot of polishing with the [insert pacing issue or whatever here]" probably would've been less douchey at the end of the day.

itch.io

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